Wednesday, 24 December 2008

Friday, 19 December 2008

Happy Birthday Jake!

I love you just the way you were.

Sunday, 14 December 2008

Love and Law

December 12, 2008

Toothy Tile Returns in...One Signed-Sex Blind Vice!

Another one bites the romantic dust. Sure, it's no secret that lots of Hollywood movie stars require confidentiality contracts — from their house cleaners, their assistants, their cooks and, yes, sometimes, even their lovers. We've mentioned this before.

Heartless as it may seem, some folks can't even get close to getting off unless they feel they'll be protected from any morning - after spills to the tabloids, thanks to whichever partner they happened to hook up with. Not really such the shocker there, once you think about it. But what's truly unusual is who we're told has now used this cold-as-ice, fine-print safeguard, you'll never guess...

Yes, it's our very own beloved closet cutie, Toothy Tile!

Love it, he's not so dumb after all, eh? I remember Toothy back from when he was getting it on in West Hollywood parking lots, for any cop to see. In fact one did see, but, of course, the Tooth got off, thanks to his powerful reps — sheesh, so predictable. But now comes word that Toothy's not only stepping out on the B.F. (unless this was done with his approval, perchance?), but he's doing it smartly, like, every other bigass, closeted dude in town does — contracts to sign, in hand.

Nice one, Tooth! The publicist-powered group you hang with nowadays musta taught you a thing or two, eh?

Oh, and you want the dirt from the guy who took his very own confidentiality agreement in hand and spilled the deets just the same? It was all lovely, we're told...the kind of loveliness that grows on ya, if you catch my naughty drift.

Oh, and that Toothy has something in common with Ryan Gosling: Such a cool demeanor, you'd have no idea the fire burning down below. None.

It Ain't: Ryan Gosling, Shia LaBeouf, John Krasinski

Source: Ted Casablanca's The Awful Truth

Wednesday, 3 December 2008

The Last Frontier

Gus Van Sant's "Milk" isn't just a mainstream-minded Oscar candidate; it's also a rallying cry.

With Sean Penn starring as Harvey Milk, the openly gay San Francisco supervisor who was gunned down along with Mayor George Moscone in 1978, the movie (which opens Wednesday) makes its message clear: Gay people must be "out" to be counted.

This theme is particularly timely given California's passage of anti-gay-marriage Proposition 8 this month, but there's also a certain irony:

Here's a broadly targeted movie with marquee actors (James Franco, Josh Brolin and Emile Hirsch co-star), yet not only is none of the featured players openly gay, but there isn't one openly gay leading man in all of Hollywood. Even as gay people have become far more prominent and comfortable in culture and everyday life in the 30 years since Milk's death, not a single current A-list movie actor is "out."

Could it be that big movie stars simply don't swing that way? That lead actors defy all percentages and likelihood to remain a strictly heterosexual crowd?

Or is the more logical explanation that while Hollywood preaches openness, it is fearful to practice it?

"It's the last frontier, and it will remain the last frontier for quite some time," said Bruce Bibby, who as Ted Casablanca writes the popular gossip column "The Awful Truth" for E! Online. "Some of our biggest moneymakers right now are absolute boy-on-boy kind of boys. It's America's dirty little secret. If they only knew."

We won't play the who-is-and-who-isn't game here.

But it's worth noting that at a time when everyone seems to know everything about everyone, and careers move on in spite of arrests, sex tapes, addiction-rehab cycles, affairs and babies out of wedlock, public acknowledgment of homosexuality remains a formidable taboo among top movie talent.

The most cited reason is money.

Van Sant, who is openly gay, laughingly called this an issue of "merchandising," noting that over the last decade leading men have become "industries within themselves. They're almost like industrial conglomerates."

"Hollywood does not like anything that's going to threaten its bottom line," said Michael Jensen, editor of, a Web site devoted to gay and bisexual men in entertainment. "The idea of a gay leading man in a movie that's going to have a budget around $100 million—getting a studio to be the first one to take that chance is a challenging thing to do."

As for the actors, Jensen continued, "there are already so many reasons for a casting director to turn a person down, and being an openly gay actor trying to get a romantic lead role, you're just giving them another reason."

The absence of gay lead actors—and, yes, we are talking primarily of men—stands in stark contrast to the progress activists say has been made in other areas.

"The images in the media 30 years ago and the images today are vastly, vastly different," said Neil Giuliano, president of the Gay & Lesbian Alliance Against Defamation (GLAAD). "You had 'Three's Company,' an over-the-top caricature of a gay man, and the other characters ridiculed him. Today a show like that would not be aired. We have 'Brothers & Sisters,' we have 'Desperate Housewives,' 'Ugly Betty.' Those are real portrayals."

A gay character on a TV show is no longer news, though GLAAD has tabulated that just 16 of 663 prime-time characters, or 2.6 percent, are gay. Openly gay celebrities in themselves also are no longer such an anomaly.

Singers Clay Aiken and Lance Bass have come out, as did comedian Wanda Sykes just last week. Elton John remains a huge concert draw and classic-rock fixture, and Ellen DeGeneres is welcomed into millions of American homes on her daytime talk show, just as Rosie O'Donnell was on "The View" and her own show.

"People who watch and adore Ellen DeGeneres don't care one iota that she is gay, and they've known she is for a long time," said Mark Urman, distribution president for Summit Entertainment. "That is a very mainstream audience."

Then again, DeGeneres and O'Donnell have done little acting since they opened up about their sexuality. People accept them for themselves, but it's unclear whether they'd accept them as anyone else.

This leads to a dynamic in which heterosexual actors such as Penn or Tom Hanks (in "Philadelphia") have no problems being believed as gay men—or murderers or mentally challenged characters—yet there's much doubt that an openly gay actor could be convincing carrying a romance with the opposite sex.

“I don’t know why that is,” Urman said. “We know for a fact they’re acting.”

There also may be different standards for women and men. Although Jodie Foster does not discuss her personal life, while accepting an award late last year she thanked "my beautiful Cydney" in reference to the woman widely acknowledged to be her partner. Cynthia Nixon's revelation that she is a lesbian had no effect on her participation in this year's smash "Sex and the City" movie, and if anything, Lindsay Lohan has received more sympathetic press since she began dating DJ Samantha Ronson (and stopped acting so erratically).

Back on the male side, Ian McKellen is probably the most prominent "out" movie actor, having co-starred in the lucrative "Lord of the Rings" and "X-Men" franchises. But at 69, McKellen is well beyond the typical leading-man age, and he's British, which comes with a different set of cultural associations. The dashing Rupert Everett also is British, and his career never took off after he opened up about his sexuality, though making the Madonna bomb “The Next Best Thing” didn’t help.

The greatest male success story may be TV's Neil Patrick Harris, who is openly gay yet plays an enjoyably obnoxious straight man on "How I Met Your Mother." T.R. Knight also continues to fare well on "Grey's Anatomy" despite having essentially been outed by reports of former co-star Isaiah Washington's directing an anti-gay slur at him on set.

But neither star is being asked to sell millions of multiplex tickets. Nor are those actors who have come out well after the peaks of their careers, such as Richard Chamberlain. Rock Hudson acknowledged his homosexuality only after he was terminally ill with AIDS in 1985.

Bibby has written a number of much-speculated-about blind items about a closeted actor dubbed Toothy Tile, who he reported was close to going public with his sexuality until his agents and publicists persuaded him not to—a situation far from unique.

"Toothy Tile is a big star, but Toothy Tile wants to remain a big star, and that's the problem," said Bibby, who is gay himself. "Hollywood is a very creative community, and the creative arts have always been totally homo filled. But it's first and foremost a business. We've got to sell the product out to the masses in the rest of the country where it's not so gay filled."

The question is whether the industry's and actors' fears are justified or whether a megastar's coming out might not be such a big deal after all.

Giuliano hopes his own experience could serve as an example. He'd been the mayor of Tempe, Ariz., for two years when he came out, and he was re-elected four times to serve eight more years.

"I had a very misplaced understanding and a very misplaced fear of what life would be like if I was more authentic and more honest and more out," the GLAAD leader said.

McKellen considered coming out to be positive for his craft, saying in a 2005 interview:

"Acting in my case is no longer about disguise; it's about telling the truth, and my truth is that I'm gay. I'm very happy for people to know that, and then I can get on with telling the truth about the character that I'm playing. That's why I say to other actors: If you really want to be a good actor and a successful one, and you're gay, let everybody know about it."

Urman said that at this point, "I don't think that anything to do with anybody's sexual orientation would or could harm somebody's career."

Bibby isn't so optimistic. "My opinion is it would be painful at first because America has shown it has such a fear of gay people," he said. "It would be very rough going for an actor to find that out, and I don't blame them for not wanting to find that out. They're not politicians. They're performers. They don't want to be held accountable for America's discomfort about homosexuality."

Still, Giuliano, who has seen Van Sant’s film, hopes some Hollywood A-listers follow McKellen's and Milk’s lead.

“The message of ‘Milk’ is as important as it was 30 years ago, which is our visibility matters, and you need to be open,” the GLAAD leader said. “The changes we have seen in our society are because we are more open and the community is more visible than it ever has been.”

Source: Why are there no openly gay leading men in Hollywood?, Chicago Tribune

Thursday, 20 November 2008

Gyllenspoon-Fed Merde

October 22, 2008

Dear Ted:
What's this you said in the last Truth, Lies & Ted about my favorite actor of all time, Paul Newman? You were talking about what a shame it would be if sham couple Jake and Reese tried to make like a "modern-day Paul and Joanne." I'll still love him anyway, but tell me one of H'wood's greatest love stories ain't a sham! Love you and your bitchin' bitchiness.
—Lauren, Chicago

Dear Newman's Own Fan:
No fakery we know of betwixt Paul and his longtime sweetie. Meant it would be heresy if J&R played house like those two, 'cause they ain't nothing like the real thing.

Dear Ted:
Are Reese and Jake the new TomKat? I think robot-boyfriend Jake is the new Katie.

Dear GyllenKat:
I think they're both robots.

Source: Ted Casablanca's The Awful Truth

October 28, 2008

Morning Piss: Gyllenspoon-Fed Merde

J'adore Reese and Jake. Those sweethearts are two of the most talented, adorable and luscious babes to hit T-town in some time.

Don't agree?

Think Reese is just a pixie-ish little waif with pale sex appeal? Think again. And if you consider Jake all boyish 'n' bashful brooding, no real outward he-man stuff goin' down, think again on that score, as well. R 'n' J are both terrifically not of what you see in real life.

And this whole aw-shucks romance they've got going down is so not how both types really are — why in the world the public is lapping it up, hook, line and photo-op, is beyond me.

Just look at their pics together, everybody! They act like bro 'n' sis (and not even particularly close ones, at that). These babes have movies and careers and agendas to sell, oldest story in the world. Jen and Vince, anyone?

Ms. W is the craftiest broad alive; she's teaching J.G. spectacularly well. Just ask Ryan Phillippe if you don't believe this to be a high probability. But on the other hand, if this sorta white-bread, milquetoast romance is what you need to get your fantasy on every morning, then, dears, go right ahead, be my limp guest.

I just prefer my Awful readers to be fully informed consumers, that's all.

Source: Ted Casablanca's The Awful Truth

Saturday, 15 November 2008

Join the Impact

Join the Impact on November 15th.

Join the Impact

Keith Olbermann's Prop 8 special comment:

Finally tonight as promised, a Special Comment on the passage, last week, of Proposition Eight in California, which rescinded the right of same-sex couples to marry, and tilted the balance on this issue, from coast to coast.

Some parameters, as preface. This isn't about yelling, and this isn't about politics, and this isn't really just about Prop-8. And I don't have a personal investment in this: I'm not gay, I had to strain to think of one member of even my very extended family who is, I have no personal stories of close friends or colleagues fighting the prejudice that still pervades their lives.

And yet to me this vote is horrible. Horrible. Because this isn't about yelling, and this isn't about politics.

This is about the... human heart, and if that sounds corny, so be it.

If you voted for this Proposition or support those who did or the sentiment they expressed, I have some questions, because, truly, I do not... understand. Why does this matter to you? What is it to you? In a time of impermanence and fly-by-night relationships, these people over here want the same chance at permanence and happiness that is your option. They don't want to deny you yours. They don't want to take anything away from you. They want what you want -- a chance to be a little less alone in the world.

Only now you are saying to them -- no. You can't have it on these terms. Maybe something similar. If they behave. If they don't cause too much trouble. You'll even give them all the same legal rights -- even as you're taking away the legal right, which they already had. A world around them, still anchored in love and marriage, and you are saying, no, you can't marry. What if somebody passed a law that said you couldn't marry?

Source: Keith Olbermann's Prop 8 Special Comment: It's "About The Human Heart" (VIDEO)

Tuesday, 4 November 2008

Tuesday, 28 October 2008

Ticking Tile

October 16, 2008

Dear Ted:
Why is Toothy Tile bearding when he has a baby with his boyfriend? As much as I adore Family Tile, I think Gray Goose should take Baby Tile with him and leave Toothy. Enough is enough when manufacturing a fake image! The baby comes first and requires honesty. What do you think?

Dear Honest Woman:
I think you know what I think. After all, your letter's first, isn't it?

Source: Ted Casablanca's The Awful Truth

October 21, 2008

Dear Ted:
I, too, am tired of the Toothy Tile game...but just out of curiosity, how many people have sent you an email correctly identifying him?

Dear Ticking Tile:
A few.

Source: Ted Casablanca's The Awful Truth

Sunday, 19 October 2008

Every Day is Toothy Day

October 7, 2008

Dear Ted:
You so often told us that Toothy Tile knows he's Toothy and that he's proud of it. What about Gray Goose, is he a proud one, too?

Dear Smile Like You Mean It:
Hardly. Grimacing through it all.

Dear Ted:
Who is the most loving, sweetest and hottest hubby: Toothy's or yours? Is Baby Tile old enough to walk?

Dear Tile-icious:
Mine. No.

Dear Ted:
If Jake and Reese are just PR buddies, then as far as I can tell, he hasn't dated anyone since he broke up with Kirsten Dunst back in 2005. Is he that picky?
—Jill, M.E.

Dear Dump or Dunst:
Maybe he didn't date KiKi, either.

Source: Ted Casablanca's The Awful Truth

October 11, 2008

Dear Ted:
Would you answer the million-dollar question: Is Toothy Tile gay or bisexual? How about Gray Goose? What is the real nature of Toothy's relationship with his beard?

Dear Tricky Tooth:
You mean the one on his face or the one on his publicist’s speed dial? Gay as my vocabulary, darling. Ditto on the real love in Toothy’s life.

Dear Ted:
I have so many questions for you! Is Daniel Craig Toothy Tile? Is Obama going to win? Will Brad Pitt pull a Woody Allen and marry Zahara 18 years from now?
—Jenna K

Dear Lot to Handle:
No. Hopefully. Better not.

Dear Ted:
Does Toothy Tile's GF/beard know that he's T.T.? Or if not, that he's gay?
—Pat, Chicago

Dear Loose Goose:
Enough with Toothy! He’s not even that good of an actor, what’s all the damn fuss, already? And, of course, Toothy's woman knows he's Toothy, as well as his mattress persuasions, duh. She's been down this road before, think she'd be over the swinging studs by now, but whatever.

Dear Ted:
You're so jaded about celebrity relationships. You seem to think like there's an expiration date to these couplings.

Dear Downer:
No worries, every day is Toothy Day here at A.T.!

Source: Ted Casablanca's The Awful Truth

Sunday, 12 October 2008

Remembering Matthew Shepard

We asked people: "What effect did Matthew Shepard’s murder have on you since it happened 10 years ago?"

Matthew Shepard’s murder has served as a reminder for me that even good can come out of the most heinous acts. Dennis and Judy argued against the death penalty for their son’s murderers, and after his death established the Matthew Shepard Foundation to promote lgbt equality.
Bryan Glick

I was heartbroken; at the time I was living life as if America was a safe and accepting place. Ten years later I have learned that, in order for America to be that safe and accepting place, I have to live a genuine, visible life and take every opportunity to stand up in support of my community.
Erika Church

Matthew Shepherd’s heinous murder made real for me the ugly bigotry that had been hidden too long by giving it a face and a soul. Whenever I read of homophobic statements and actions, I now see Matthew’s face and it reminds me to stay in the fight for equality for all.
Kurt Bestor

I remember where I was and what I was doing — morning rush hour traffic. It made me realize how vulnerable life can be, and that living in my little bubble in Salt Lake City couldn’t protect me. I am always paying attention to my surroundings and I take nothing for granted.
Matt Lyon

I realized that the time had come for me to pull my head out of my ass and begin to live my life as God intended; gay, courageous and out.
John Wood

Matthew Shepard’s murder put a face to the issue of hate crimes in this country and who the victims of homophobia really are. His death was not only a wake up call to society at large, it was a resounding bell for the GLBT community to stand up for equal treatment and protection under the law. May His Memory Be Eternal (Greek Orthodox blessing).
Connie Anast

Matthew Shepard died just a couple years before I came out at 17. He signifies to me both that it is important to stand up and be counted for who I am, but to always remember that it can be dangerous to do so.
Josh Adamson

I have become very sensitive of which strangers I am open with about my sexuality (at least when I am in a strange town). When I travel through small towns I imagine the frustration and fears that the local GLBTQ people may be going through and I hope that they find positive allies and friends who will help to protect them.
Jeremiah Maybee

I wondered to myself "How in the world could anyone kill such a beautiful young man with so much potential and so much more life to be lived?" I remember attending the vigil at the Captiol that cold fall night when our community gathered together lighting candles in remembering Matthew’s life. That memory will live for me forever. Unfortunately, even with Matthew Shepard’s passing, many today are still violently beaten or killed today. When will it stop?
Mark Swonson

Source: QStreet: 10 Years After Matthew Shepard

Matthew Shepard Foundation

Saturday, 4 October 2008

Friends with PR Benefits

September 18, 2008

Dear Ted:
We get it, Jen Garner sucks. Onto more important things... Toothy Tile! Could you please run down the "And it's not..." list for me. After all this time, I am getting hazy on the Un-Toothy Tiles. My guess for T2... Matthew Broderick.
—Jen, Iowa

Dear Too Much Toothy:
Toothy's much sneakier than lame-ass Broderick. As for the list, check out the Internet. I do believe someone out there's been keeping track.

Dear Ted:
Is Toothy Tile Viggo Mortensen? You mentioned Lord of the Rings in one of your responses about a Toothy Tile guess.

Dear Connection Failed:
Not the Lord of the Homo we're looking for dear, sorry. Think younger, less real-life brawny.

Dear Ted:
Love the new format—Monday mornings not so much, the yellow hurts my eyes. Toothy Tile has to be Matthew McConaughey. He has that "trying too hard" macho vibe. And the baby mama was a pragmatic career move.
—Groutless in Toronto

Dear Macho, Macho Matt:
Matt's more Hickville than Gayville, sorry. But at least he's not Toothy, I'll say that much.

Source: Ted Casablanca's The Awful Truth

September 23, 2008

Dear Ted:
Kindly please replace your word of retard to peabrain or D.D. (Delbert Dumbutt) or something that is decidedly less targeted to a group of people who already got the shaft in life; the mentally retarded. I love you, baby! I'm just defensive about the term since my son is high-functioning autistic. Now get a move on with some serious gossip. BTW, is Hillary Clinton Toothy Tile? Thought I'd have some fun today!

Dear PC:
Noted, but don't go too Tropic Thunder on my ass and take it with a little bit of humor (I get your point, though), just as I am with your BV guess. It's good for the chuckles, but Hil ain't your man.

Dear Ted:
Does Toothy Tile know he's Toothy Tile in your Blind Vices? I've always heard that people in celebrity camps scroll blog sites (just to make sure they're getting talked about, of course). Just wondering if his people have figured out you're talking about him.

Dear Eavesdrop:
Toothy knows, alright. That's why he loves to do his out-me mamba all across T-town.

Dear Ted:
You mention that Colin Farrell has been in a "family twister" Blind Vice and that Toothy Tile is "less brawny in real life." You also have said that there is a Baby Tile, and Colin has a kid, does he not? Is he Toothy?
—AJ in Columbus

Dear Jigsaw Jumbler:
It sounds good on paper. But in reality, C.F. is as hetero and horny as they come.

Dear Ted:
Are the And It Ain't choices (1) always (2) sometimes or (3) never themselves the subjects of other Blind Vices?

Dear Multiple Fess:
There is a golden ding showering you behind Door No. 2, darling!

Dear Ted:
As much as I wish Toothy Tile was in actuality Sarah Palin's husband, I have convinced myself it is Hugh Jackman. Yay or Nay?

Dear Wishful Thinking:
Nay. Almost, but not quite.

Source: Ted Casablanca's The Awful Truth

September 25, 2008

Dear Ted:
Toothy Tile is Jennifer Garner. Enjoy your column...can't agree with you on your politics. God bless America and God bless you!

Dear Kinda Kindred:
Glad we can agree to disagree—par-tick on the testy J.G. being Toothy. She wishes she were that interesting!

Source: Ted Casablanca's The Awful Truth

September 26, 2008

Dear Ted:
Are Clay Aiken and his baby son Toothy's boyfriend Gray Goose and Baby Tile?

Dear Too Obvious:
Toothy's lover isn't coming out anytime soon.

Dear Ted:
Now that Sophia Bush is single and working on One Tree Hill with three of her ex-boyfriends, Chad Michael Murray, James Lafferty and Austin Nichols, do you think she will start dating one of them again? I hope she goes for Austin. I liked them together.

Dear Ex Factor:
CMM is out, fer sure. He can maybe hope for some hate sex, but that's it. I think Bush should even the scoreboard and go for Benji Madden. Thoughts?

Dear Ted:
Could you tell us more about Toothy's boyfriend? He is half of the most intriguing and beautiful Hollywood gay closeted couple and the other daddy of Baby Tile. Don't you think he deserves more attention from you?

Dear Man Hunt:
No, but his abs surely do.

Source: Ted Casablanca's The Awful Truth

September 30, 2008

Dear Ted:
I called in sick today and said I was deficient in my Vitamin T—OK, that was cheesy, but I think I deserve for this question to be printed since I risked my livelihood over it! Have you and Mr. Tile ever done the nasty (prehubby, of course!)? I reread some entries and you two sure seemed a little flirty a couple of years ago. And, who is hotter, Toothy or his BF? Is Mario Lopez his lover?

Dear Bedroom Boinked:
In order: No. Yes. Neither, I like men, not little beautiful boys who still retain a tad of privileged baby fat. No.

Dear Ted:
Recently you said 1 in 10 people in Hollywood were straight. You must be including behind-the-scenes creative folks, agents, producers, etc. In terms of actors/actresses, what is the percentage that is straight?
—Cupcake in Cincinnati

Dear Left Brain:
One in 25. Make that 100.

Dear Ted:
OK, so Clay is gay. Big whoop...file that reveal under No Merde. Quick question, though…Has Clay ever been a subject of one of your Blind Vices? If yes, which one? And yes, I know he's not Toothy Tile.

Dear Aching for Aiken:
Clay is far too dull for our sexy Vice archives.

Dear Ted:
The mags have been pushing the Reese-Jake romance for over a year now, but neither will confirm or deny the rumors. What’s the big secret?
—Mallory, Conn.

Dear Cladestine Couple:
Those two are just friends with benefits. The benefits, of course, meaning publicity.

Source: Ted Casablanca's The Awful Truth

October 1, 2008

Dear Ted:
I'm wondering if Toothy Tile is Jason Lee?
—Melanie Lyle

Dear Det. Closet:
Right look, wrong dude. But there's certainly a common thread here, doll-babe, at least 'tude wise.

Source: Ted Casablanca's The Awful Truth

October 2, 2008

Dear Ted:
Toothy Tile is Mario Lopez because of his toothy grin, dimples, fab shape, perfect abs, consistent seemingly gal-chasing ways, and hanging out with BFF so often but that easily jealous husband of BFF is never jealous of Mario. That's the biggest giveaway. Right, Ted?
—Markie from Cincinnati

Dear Access Denied:
Toothy isn't C-list, darling.

Source: Ted Casablanca's The Awful Truth

Monday, 22 September 2008

Borders Bookstore

May 4, 2007

Jake Gyllenhaal, Austin Nichols and friends hanging out in a bookstore on a Friday night.

Source: IHJ

Wednesday, 17 September 2008

Toothy Tile Forever

September 9, 2008

Dear Ted:
I have read all your Toothy Tile items and I know who he is. My guess, and I know no one has guessed, is Channing Tatum. He has to be. I also want to throw in Emile Hirsch and Chris Evans just in case.

Dear Three in One:
What's Baby Tile, chopped gossip? Negative on all three, but right age group.

Source: Ted Casablanca's The Awful Truth

September 10, 2008

Dear Ted:
You are so sassy! I knew Toothy Tile was Matthew McConaughey. And then you gave it away stating that Liev Schrieber and Toothy have a much in common...duh, like Liev scrambled is Levi, Matthew's new baby. Seriously! Brilliant. I'm a Republican, through and through...but honestly Ted, I think we would be great buddies. Why can't elephants and donkeys just get along? I adore you.
—J. Strauss

Dear Jungle Joneser:
Why does everybody in the world think M.M. is T.T.? (He's not.) I simply find that fascinating. Adore you back!

Dear Ted:
I absolutely can't stand the format and color of the AT site now. I know, I know, I know you don't care, you're past it...but anyone who's says they like it is just sucking up to you big-time. On another item, in your experienced estimation, what's the ratio of heteros to gays/lesbians in Hollywood? Just so I won't be shocked the next time I read one of your columns.

Dear Math Class:
1 in 10. Are straight, that is.

Dear Ted:
I love your column and even if you piss me off more often than not (especially when you badmouth Jennifer Aniston and Jen Garner), I just can't stop reading and following your work. I wish I knew how to quit ya! Is James Franco Toothy Tile?

Dear Toothy Tell All:
No, but dollmuff, you're so close more than a few fagolas in T-town are sweatin' plenty right about now. Nice detective work.

Source: Ted Casablanca's The Awful Truth

September 11, 2008

Truth, Lies and Ted

Episode: A bit of Phonyspoon

September 12, 2008

Dear Ted:
Is Toothy Tile Chad Michael Murray? Would you even tell us if we guessed correctly?

Dear Murray Mistake:
It ain't Murray—we'd have no problem giving Chad's bedroom habits away. Toothy's much juicier than some One Tree Hill chump.

Dear Ted:
You've kept the toothpaste cap on Toothy Tile's identity for too long! Toothy is like your "Who Shot J.R." of the digital age.

Dear Mystery Man:
We promise we won't pull a Dallas and make it all just a dream at the end of the A.T.'s run. Which ain't happening anytime soon, kiddos, worry not.

Dear Ted:
I love that you print all those nasty letters. I don't know anyone who wouldn't be just a little insulted, yet you go and publish them to the world. Nice. So, is Tobey M. our boy Toothy?

Dear Blinded By the Bisexuality:
Thanks and no. Think prettier. Kinda right on the rest, though!

Source: Ted Casablanca's The Awful Truth

September 16, 2008

Dear Ted:
I think you are lovely and amazing. But why must you tease us so with the ongoing saga of Toothy Tile? Must we guess every actor in Hollywood until you have eliminated all but one? Since the answer is probably yes, I'll contribute a guess: Milo Ventimiglia. He went out with Alexis Bledel, and who better fits the description of "superannoyingly perfect" than the younger Gilmore? And Tile could be a contraction of "Twenty Miles," which his surname translates to. Alexis, Hayden P....With his tastes in beards, one could say Toothy has led astray the good girl, no?
—Jane, Australia

Dear S&M Wannabe:
Because torture is so delicious. And no on Milo, think even more famous a player.

Dear Ted:
Has Toothy curbed the public nooky sessions? Also, do his parents know he's gay?

Dear Det. Debauched:
Yes and yes.

Source: Ted Casablanca's The Awful Truth

Thursday, 11 September 2008


September 7, 2008 - first annual poll of the best gay male movies of all time:

1. Brokeback Mountain (2005)

Ferragamos or Birkenstocks? Mojitos or good ol’ beer? Gay men don’t seem to agree on much. But by a wide margin of nearly two-to-one, you chose Brokeback Mountain as the greatest gay movie of all time. And how could it be otherwise? “It’s not ‘gay,’” said some, trying to broaden the film’s appeal, “it’s a ‘universal love story’!”

But is it really? Plenty of heterosexuals have had the experience of hiding a love affair, but how many of them know what it’s like to be forced by society to deny themselves the very possibility of love? This is the daring and fundamentally “gay” question at the heart of Ang Lee’s 2005 masterpiece: can two men simply allow themselves to love each other? And though the movie is set in the past, it is, ultimately, the very choice that every gay man still must make.

Jake Gyllenhaal is flawless as Jack Twist in arguably the movie’s most difficult role. But Heath Ledger’s heartbreaking portrayal of Ennis Del Mar, a walking cautionary tale of homophobia’s logical end result, is a revelation — a total acting transformation made all the more tragic by Ledger’s death earlier this year. But the indignities and injustices that Jack and Ennis faced did not end at Brokeback Mountain’s closing credits. Upon the film’s release, the movie’s makers and fans were subjected to a six-month orgy of tasteless jokes from clueless comedians and bile-filed commentary from right-wing pundits. All of this negativity culminated when the movie, long considered the Oscar front-runner, lost Best Picture to a fine but unremarkable movie called Crash, perhaps the most egregious upset in Oscar history and almost certainly the result of lingering homophobia in Hollywood’s old guard.

But that fusillade of ridicule and outrage is already fading into the gloom of a bigoted past while the movie’s artistry and quiet power shines brighter than ever. Let’s face it: this isn’t just the greatest gay movie of all time, it’s one of the greatest movies ever.

Source:, The Fifty Greatest Gay Movies!

Sunday, 7 September 2008

Too Close For Comfort

September 4, 2008

Dear Ted:
Is Baby Tile human or animal?
C.L. in Pa.

Dear Little of Both:
As human as something can be in this town.

Dear Ted:
I just had an Toothy Tile Liev Schreiber? Baby on the way, same age as Affleck. Come on, it's killing me not to know.

Dear Too Close for Toothy's Comfort:
Not exactly. Actually, not at all. But L and the real Tooth do have so much in common, true.

Source: Ted Casablanca's The Awful Truth

September 5, 2008

One Boyishly Bothered Blind Vice

Isn't it interesting Lloyd Boy-Toyed is undertaking his latest media campaign to fight off rumors about everything under the tabloid sun—every topic save the one he wants to get out: that he sometimes likes young dudes in bed. Not Michael Jackson-style, mind you, but he sometimes likes 'em young. And to keep quiet. And you know what that means, doncha girlfriends? Occasionally Mr. Boy-Toyed's gotta give 'em the green. What a cold, hard, cashed-out town this can be, huh?

Let's see, Lloyd's busy mouthing off about his nasty battles with most everybody in the Biz, not to mention his more cherished (and known) companions and relatives. He appears to be a total crank-a-thon, really, but don't believe it for a sec. Oh, some of it's real, that's fer sure, but it's mostly for show, I assure you.

I have firsthand knowledge of Lloyd's more cunning agendas—not to mention the ones he prefers to get underway under the covers. Don't ask me how. I can't tell! I'm a married man now! I would never embark on something as nasty as tattling 'tween the sheets when I've got a superhoney at home. Quite the opposite of how Lloyd goes about things, trust.

Really, though, as sloppy as Lloyd's getting in the attempting-to-score department, he's gonna be out long before our beloved Toothy Tile, I assure you. Oh, and Lloyd-baby, I don't care, really. But, your blind-as-merde fans sure will. I say screw it, already! (Like you have so many guys.)

And It Ain't: Matthew Perry, David Duchovny, Kanye West

Source: Ted Casablanca's The Awful Truth

Tuesday, 2 September 2008


August 29, 2008

Dear Ted:
Ted, I love your wit, and the new retina-burning format is starting to grow on me. You said there's a Baby Tile — is there another one on the way? Is it Ben Affleck?

Dear Baby Q:
Such the good guess, babes, so right in so many brunet directions, alas, it's the wrong two-timing type.

Source: Ted Casablanca's The Awful Truth

September 2, 2008

Dear Ted:
After delving deeper in your articles and in others on other websites, I've come to a horrible conclusion — sure hope I'm 100 percent wrong — but is Toothy Tile Ben Affleck?

Dear Spin Jen:
Oh, wouldn't that just give J.G. a kick in her softer spots, which, of course, don't exist, so what the ef are we talking about? Right age and acting oeuvre, wrong dude.

Source: Ted Casablanca's The Awful Truth

Thursday, 28 August 2008

Golden Boy

Australian diver Matthew Mitcham won gold in the men's 10m platform event at the Beijing Olympics.

July 2, 2008

In August, diver Matthew Mitcham will become the first openly-gay Australian to compete in an Olympic Games.

In many ways, Matthew Mitcham is just your regular 20-year-old gay guy.

He lives in inner Sydney, he has a boyfriend, his favourite club is Arq. He loves to watch The Simpsons, Futurama and Queer As Folk. His favourite music is by The Presets, Kate Miller-Heidke and Missy Higgins.

But Matthew Mitcham is not your regular 20-year-old gay guy.

Not only is he an elite member of Australia’s Olympic diving team, but last month he became headline news around the world.

The reason? For being gay.

A casual remark to a journalist during an interview with The Sydney Morning Herald led to a flurry of international publicity. The Herald put Mitcham on its front page. In Britain, national daily newspaper The Independent carried an article under the headline ‘Gay diver breaks Australian sporting taboo’.

Respected British daily The Guardian, rarely interested in Antipodean affairs, chimed in with an opinion piece asserting that while “Australia is an enlightened place these days, Australian sport, on the other hand, is not.” Mitcham had committed “a brave act indeed by coming out”, it said.

But the person at the centre of it all sees things differently.

Speaking to SX during a break from training at the Sydney Aquatic Centre in Homebush, Matthew Mitcham is nonplussed by all the fuss.

“It’s not really a big deal,” he says. “It’s not like I’m a different person. It’s not like I was straight before. So nothing really has changed.”

In fact, Mitcham doesn’t even agree that he ‘came out’ last month.

“I came out years ago. All that happened recently was that I was doing an interview with the Herald and there was a pretty innocuous question, ‘Who do I live with?’ and I just said ‘my partner Lachlan’. And the journalist was really excited – she thought it was absolutely wonderful!”

While Mitcham, who came out to friends and family at age fourteen (Mum’s reaction: “Well, duh!”), doesn’t see his sexuality a big deal, he’s not naïve about his position as Australia’s highest-profile out gay sportsman. He’s aware that other people do see it as “a big deal” and he’s happy to wear the mantle of ‘role model’ for young gay guys.

“Being in my position, it’s inevitable,” he concedes. “There’s not really much choice. If someone looks up to you, then you’re a role model. And I’m happy with that. I just hope I do a good job – I’m not perfect!”

He certainly bears the markings of a good gay role model: he’s successful, attractive and he’s not shy about speaking up on queer issues. When asked for his view on same-sex marriage, for instance, he has no compunction slamming Prime Minister Kevin Rudd.

“I’m not happy with Kevin Rudd,” he says, bluntly. “Kevin Rudd’s opinion of marriage as something that’s only between a man and a woman is quite narrow-minded. During the election campaign he was all about appearing young and cool, but his views on gay marriage make him look quite old-fashioned.”

Similarly, Mitcham doesn’t hold back when quizzed about criticism of his ‘coming out’. When the Herald story was initially published, this journalist overheard two women on a train explaining to each other’s satisfaction why it was ‘ridiculous’. “Why don’t heterosexuals come out as straight?” harrumphed one. “They’re just obsessed with their sexuality,” sneered the other. I ask Mitcham for his response to this line of thinking.

“That’s a really uneducated, unworldly view,” he replies. “And you know what? Straight people talk about their sexuality all the time. They talk about the opposite sex, they talk about their wives, their husbands, their marriage. Those are all heterosexual discourses, and they do talk about them all the time. So those ladies didn’t think their comments through very well.”

But of course, gay politics is not Mitcham’s primary focus right now. He’s under a punishing training schedule ahead of the Beijing Olympic Games, where he hopes to bring back gold for Australia in the ten-metre platform and three-metre springboard events.

He’s already won gold this year at the 2008 Diving Grand Prix in Fort Lauderdale, Florida.

“All my energy is focused on Beijing right now,” says a tenacious Mitcham. “I’ve been diving since I was eleven, so it’s been nine years of work leading up to this.”

Whether he brings back the gold or not, something tells me we’ll be hearing a lot more of Matthew Mitcham.

Source: Making a splash by Peter Hackney

Saturday, 23 August 2008


August 20, 2008

Dear Ted:
Has Crotch Uh-Lastic ever invited Toothy Tile to swim in his pool? Have you ever used two different monikers for the same person?
Peter, New York City

Dear Peter Patrol:
I believe no, and certainly not. That would be like double skinny-dipping!

Dear Ted:
Is Baby Tile Sunday Rose Kidman Urban?

Dear Det. Diapers:
Nope, but great guess, babe. Just not with Keith, as he's, um, greased in every heterosexual sense of the word.

Source: Ted Casablanca's The Awful Truth

August 22, 2008

Dear Ted:
What do you think of Jake G's new princely body? Hottie or nottie? I'd have liked it if only he had chosen to reveal it in the context of the movie and without doing a staged photo op with Reese in the middle of the desert. Everything they do together is too calculated and publicity conscious for my taste.

Dear Go Jake or Go Home:
Jakey-Poo's ripped bod might be the only way to get us to one of his flicks. Rendition anyone?

Source: Ted Casablanca's The Awful Truth

August 26, 2008

Dear Ted:
Please don't be like Toothy himself when asked a tough question. Just give a simple answer. A yes or no will do. No beating around the bush or skirting the issue. Is there a Baby Tile?
Tom, Mt. Laurel

Dear Gay Shooter:

Source: Ted Casablanca's The Awful Truth

Sunday, 17 August 2008

Mr. and Mr. Tile

August 13, 2008

Dear Ted:
What describes Toothy Tiles's situation better: "Single Tile," "Mr. and Mr. Tile" or "Family Tile"? Please, could you include clues and hints more often about him? What happened to that great idea to dedicate one day a month to only Toothy questions?

Dear Multiple Choice:
Family Tile. Don’t remember committing to one day a month trying to ferret out T.T.’s identity. Still, don’t think that’s enough for my taste.

Dear Ted:
I so wish that you would/could reveal Toothy Tile. In the meantime, is Crotch Uh-Lastic Josh Hartnett? He is brooding, boyish and certainly crusty.
St. Louis, Mo.

Dear Crotch Catch:
So close (much more so than Mr. H. would like, I’m sure). But alas, wrong dude. Think more talented. By, like, a lot.

Dear Ted:
Greetings from the great Football Hall of Fame city! Love your column and read it ravenously at lunchtime...great escape! I was just wondering if Crotch Uh-Lastic could be Kevin Spacey? And maybe Toothy Tile is John C. Reilly?
Canton, Ohio

Dear No Touchdowns:
Keep trying, babe, way off on both. Think more good-lookin’ than either Kev or Johnny C., sorry fellas, it’s a superficial world out there.

Source: Ted Casablanca's The Awful Truth


August 15, 2008

Dear Ted:
Still getting used to the blog but still lovin' the goss. I'm stumped by your new addition, Crotch Uh-Lastic. I'm hoping it's not my favorite hunk-a-licious Christian Bale. Everything you say makes me think of him—the S.O. suddenly appearing, the dark, brooding roles, artsy films, and he has gone for similar roles as Toothy Tile. Please say it ain't him.

Dear Cat Woman:
Poor old C.B. has enough drama in his life at the mo to be Crotch. Think slightly less fabulously paid.

Source: Ted Casablanca's The Awful Truth

Tuesday, 12 August 2008


August 8, 2008

Blind Vice Friday! Closeted Stars Are Dummies!

This is just great. Not only is Crotch Uh-Lastic, whom you all met last week—-and whom I could have sworn it would be at least a few weeks before we all said hullo to again—really does have his brains stuffed deep inside his paramours’ overly tight swimsuits. See, the big-screen idol, whose pics make all kinds of bucks because their themes are all so brilliantly multiplatform, is doing things just like Toothy Tile. Now that word’s just beginning to get out that Crotch loves to lure "straight" men back to his Hollywood pad and have them don all sorts of skimpy swimwear (just so CUL can slowly take it right off), Crotchy-poo’s pullin’ an emergency Toothy!

Suddenly, Crotch's rarely seen (female) significant other is out at events more. Suddenly, the S.O.'s mentioned in media interviews. Suddenly, the S.O., who’s more East Coast based, is in Hell-Ay! None of this happened until more than just days prior to last week's baddy Blind, believe me. Oh, and then—quite the opposite—gone missing are Mr. U.L.’s previously very homo-friendly statements to the press. It’s all so Rock Hudson, really. Or Toothy Tile, as I said before. Now, a word to the surreptitious swim fan: T2, even though a surprisingly large amount of folks are buying this ersatz domesticity you're pulling off so well in the tabloids and such, it ain’t gonna work with you, bro. At least, not while you’re having nooky delivered to your house in limos. At least Tooth keeps it somewhat discreet with the BF!

And It Ain't: Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson, Matthew Broderick, Sean "Diddy" Combs

Source: Ted Casablanca's The Awful Truth

August 11, 2008

Dear Ted:
Maybe the new site should be dubbed the Big Banana? You should put a little more fear into Toothy Tile by revealing another Blind Vice. Game?

Dear Dare-Doll:
You bet. But judging from the way Crotch Uh-Lastic is gaining closeted-sex game playing on our beloved Tooth, I dare say it’ll be he who’s uncovered before Tooth — shall we dub him Toothy 2? Let’s!

Source: Ted Casablanca's The Awful Truth

Friday, 8 August 2008

A Man’s Man

An openly gay man playing a prime-time pussy hound and securing major endorsement deals, Neil Patrick Harris is doing just what closeted actors and their minders have called impossible.

OUT: How would you say the business has changed for gay actors in the past 20 years?
NPH: It’s all uniquely so personal to each person. I can’t say that the business is any different now than it was then, because I wasn’t 30 years old then and in a position to stand tall and say something. I think the fears that enveloped me then would be the same fears that would envelop people that are 15, 16, 17 now.
OUT: So your advice to a gay actor who is 16 now is no different than it would have been when you were 16?
NPH: Oh, no. Clearly there’s way more exposure and a much larger gray area with sexuality and the public’s opinion towards it -- on almost every level -- professionally, artistically, legally. What made it more unique 20 years ago was that there were less examples -- so that made it a shock. And I think the shock value has kind of worn off.

OUT: But is Hollywood still underestimating the American public’s acceptance level of homosexuality? The stigma still seems to be a reality in that business more than many others.
NPH: People in the business are equally as terrified now -- but I really find it a personal thing. And maybe I’m at the end of that era. I wouldn’t even want to stereotype today’s generation. But the majority of the casting departments are gay, and a lot of the executives are. I think it’s a matter of your abilities and how you carry yourself -- I don’t behave any differently toward you right now than when I am with David [Burtka, his boyfriend] in our apartment, watching American Idol. OK, So You Think You Can Dance. [Laughs] I can see why an agent wouldn’t want to sign on a real overtly effeminate male actor -- not because I have an aversion to them but because agents might know it limits their job opportunities.

OUT: You were hired for the Harold & Kumar movie before you were out of the closet. In the films you play yourself -- a markedly straight and strung-out version of yourself. Did writers know you were gay when they wrote the part for you or when you were filming it?
NPH: No. You know...that just never came up. Honestly. When you’re making a movie everyone is in their own motor home and then they call you in and you do your thing. You don’t really sit down and say “So -- who’re you fucking?” when you’ve only met a week before.
OUT: No, that’s more like a day on my job.
NPH: Yes, you probably do. You’re unique that way. The writers were very kind and accommodating and reverential, which was strange, at 29, 30, whatever -- it was crazy. But it was hilarious. I’m a magician at heart, so smoke and mirrors is great. The idea of smoke and mirrors tends to suggest suppression and the idea that you don’t want people to know about who you really are, but as an actor you kind of do want people to not know who you really are. I think it was nice to have a bit of a smoke screen in a way.

Source: Out Magazine, A Man’s Man By Bill Keith

Sunday, 3 August 2008

Wet Pants

August 1, 2008

Mischief Mavens
Toothy Tile's got some big-box (office) competition with a similarly closeted mega movie star who's awfully kinky by the pool—check it out in Blind Vice Friday! Plus, is Kate Hudson a divorcée in distress? Oh, mama, say it ain't so!

Drowning in Deceit
Crotch Uh-Lastic is the latest T-town lad to loosen his gay inhibitions—as long as he's at home by the pool with a damn-near porn script! Check it out in an all-wet, all-new Blind Vice!

July 31, 2008

One Draw-Strung-Out Blind Vice

Toothy Tile, doll-hon, you’ve met your homo match. ‘Cause there’s a new rising, closeted star in town (actually, he’s been rising for, like, ages now, but, whatev) who’s putting your clandestine, closeted—not to mention kinky!—ways to shame. Maybe you know him? Name’s Crotch Uh-Lastic. Ring a bell, babe? Thought so.

Now, keep in mind, Toothy and Crotch have never made a flick together, though they do both go in for the same roles rather often. Similar brooding thing going on. You know, that tough yet tangible, touchable, almost boyish loveliness, a little crusty on the sides, too. Know the type? Oh who cares about actor oeuvre, let’s get to the dirty part and oozing sex outta control, my little horn-hons!

So Crotch, like a lot of his hetero counterparts in this Biz, is all wrapped up in fantasy. Whereas Toothy likes it dangerous and out in the open—Hollywood parking lots, anybody?—Crotch prefers his assignations played out as if they were the plots of one of his artier flicks (he's had plenty). This is how the boy likes it: He chooses a stud, latest one being a straight—wink, wink, right—trainer who’s busy trying to get a modeling/acting/smoldering-look career going and asks him to come over to the Hollywood pad. Mr. U.-L. has an East Coast home, too, but the pool in his Hollywood hang is so much fun for game playing. The man-meat Crotch has selected is told, beforehand, to await his limo ride to the Hell-Ay house and, once he arrives, to head straight to the pool area, adorned with chaise lounges. On these tastefully tufted settees, like little lost Saks Fifth Avenue summer catalog lovelies, lay various box-cut (never Speedo, how Matthew McConaughey!) swim trunks.

Silently, oh so discreetly, the stud-for-hire is then told to take off all his clothes and put on any of the suits he likes, at which point Crotch struts out and the inevitable seduction, complete with end-of-the-show water works, begin. And Crotch can only get the ol’ equipment up and hosing, I’m told, if said scenario is pursued.

How damn exhausting. Whatever happened to a little sweat, not too much intrigue and even fewer props? Is that so old-fashioned? For Crotch, the answer would be yes.

And it ain't: Tobey Maguire, Topher Grace, Matthew McConaughey

Source: Ted Casablanca's Blind Spot, July 31, 2008

Tuesday, 29 July 2008


Dear Ted:
Is Toothy Tile Vince Vaughn, and is Pickled Fickle from One Rent-a-Wreck Blind Vice Heather Locklear?

Dear Sexuality Crasher:
The real T2’s simply horrified you suggested Vaughn, horrified! See, Toothy’s rather svelte, and Pickled Fickle’s a man, dear. Give H.L. a little more credit.

Dear Ted:
Is it still true that the person featured in your Blind Vice is still named in your column the day the B.V. appears? Or since your column went daily, does the individual only appear sometime during the week when the B.V. is about to run?

Dear Sneaking Around:
Darling, this is a gossip column, not Scientific American. We give clues all over the place, but it’s sort like sex — when we feel like it. And yes, often that's by mentioning the culprit elsewhere.

Source: Ted Casablanca's The Awful Truth



A true Toothy fan sent me a file containing all Toothy Tile blind items and Dear Ted letters. I’ll try to keep it updated:

Toothy Tile Archive


July 31, 2008

Quakes, Queers 'n' Sneers!
Teddy C.'s house shakes as much as Christian Bale's rep these days! Plus, Tori dishes domesticity, not to mention 90210, and Toothy Tile has some majorly smokin' competition coming up, can't wait!

Dangerous Doings
Elsewhere, not only am I being chastised for saying I don’t buy Lance Armstrong’s new aw-shucks-I’m-just-an-American benevolence reinvention (this man’s a player like nobody’s biz, just ask freshly ejected Kate Hudson if you don't believe), Toothy Tile’s handlers ain’t too happy with me either, not to mention camp Tom Cruise, girlfriends. Sure, there are more than a few behind-the-scenes T-town wizards who would be more than happy to see my glass house shatter and crumble deep into a, head first, along with it.

Read Herring?
Oh, before we get to such scintillating bits ‘n’ boobiness—means Tori Spelling’s on the way, trust—must tell you all that I dare say Toothy Tile must be paying a very well known, blockbuster-starring actor to homo-outdo his gay ways. Hate to be a tease ‘n’ all (that’s a damn lie), but you’ll just have to wait until Friday’s Blind Vice to find out the deets, hon-childs. I mean, maybe that nasty fag bitch Christopher Ciccone really has let loose something in the celeb air right now, what with his sibling-stabbing memoirs and the hilarious Cristina Crawford-esque interviews he’s pulling ‘round town. ‘Cause Toothy’s new matinee rival is pulling really over-the-top, stereotypical Rock Hudson retro sex shenanigans. Delish, can’t wait to tell you all!

Source: Ted Casablanca's The Awful Truth

Friday, 25 July 2008

Gayer Than Ever

Back and Ballsier Than Ever
Our beloved mystery closet job, Toothy Tile, is back, dancing the out-me dance yet again in Blind Vice Friday.

Blind Vice, Don't Tempt Me:
Toothy Tile makes it perfectly clear he's 100 percent certain this very column will never reveal his identity. Hmmm. That one is so funny, Toothy. Reminds me I forgot to tell you all that once my divorce comes through, I'll be engaged to the remaining unmarried Bush daughter!

One Fruit-of-the-Doom Blind Vice

OK, was going to do the Blind Vice story on the Academy Award-friendly actress who thinks her cats can read, which is why she has their names written on their separate litter boxes, but that tale simply pales in comparison to Toothy Tile, who’s back and gayer than, like, ever! Dude’s losin’ his recent, overly prissy, shy shit and gettin’ his non-Nellie nerve back on (much to everyone’s surprise, just not mine).

See, ol’ Tooth, our fave partner in sex-in-public crime is being just as brazen, only with words, not his crotch. The pretty boy (man, on occasion) is gleefully telling more than a few gossipy girls—which means boys, natch, in highly exaggerated fagola speak, but then, I’m sure you already knew that, hon-cakes—that he’s quite aware the hunt for his identity is on. And has been for sometime. Says he enjoys it, even. Who wouldn’t, really? Especially if you’re dead certain your identity will never be revealed. Yep, that’s right.

T2 says he’s havin’ such a fab gay ol’ experience of it all because he’s “sure,” as it’s been relayed to this columnist, that the true identity of Mr. Tile will never, ever be discussed by yours truly. Oh, really? Is that so?

Just don’t count on it, bud. What with the myriad lies to the public (I mean, really, you’re as bad about your true sexual persuasion as Cathy Douglas is with her age), you're on thin vice, babe, so watch it.

And it ain't: Matthew Broderick, Ricky Martin, Wentworth Miller

Source: Ted Casablanca's Blind Spot, July 24, 2008

Tuesday, 22 July 2008

Gossip Boys 2

Dear Ted:
Does what you're doing while taping Truth, Lies & Ted have anything to do with the story you're delivering at the time? Case in point: holding a big honkin' rolling pin and telling Jake Gyllenhaal "way to go, you dude shafter."
Dickinson, Texas

Dear Coinky-dink:
How funny! No idea I was doing that!

Source: Ted Casablanca's The Awful Truth and Truth, Lies & Ted video - July 10, 2008

Friday, 18 July 2008

The Dark Knight

As was, perhaps, always inevitable, The Dark Knight is Ledger’s movie. It is a towering performance. From his menacing, pencil-packing greeting to Gotham’s Mob fraternity, to the threat and fire he conjures in exchanges with Maggie Gyllenhaal’s sexy, sophisticated brief and “The Bat-maaan”, to the Sophie’s choice surprises of the third act, he is pure, powerful, immense.

A force of fucking nature.

Mark Dinning, Empire

Source: The Dark Knight Movie Review and Trailers

Tuesday, 15 July 2008

Gay Heroes

Handsome, charming and openly gay, actor and presenter John Barrowman has become one of the best-loved faces on British television. But, as he explains to Alice Wignall, success has brought unexpected responsibilities

John Barrowman thinks that I fancy him. I'm not sure why - I said something complimentary about the male characters in Doctor Who, the series in which he makes occasional scene-stealing appearances as Captain Jack Harkness, and he appropriated it for himself, because he's gorgeous and used to people fancying him. Now we're talking about the fluid nature of sexuality and attraction. "You could find Captain Jack attractive. Hey, you could find John attractive," he says, twinkling away at me like a rope of promenade lights on a gusty night, "and I could find you attractive. But that doesn't mean that anything's going to happen." I am suddenly hotly aware of the close confines of the dressing room buried beneath the BBC's Television Centre in which we are cocooned. "Right?" he says.

Too right - not least because of the new BBC1 show he's here to talk about. The Making of Me asked three celebrities to use scientific testing, psychology, brain science and genetics to investigate the origins of their defining characteristics, each in their own show. Vanessa Mae asks why she is musical, Colin Jackson wonders why he is fast, and Barrowman finds out why he is gay: a fact which I think is going to stand in the way of our blossoming mutual attraction. The results of the programme - is it nature, is it nurture? - are a closely guarded secret, though Barrowman has always been convinced that sexuality is not a choice. "I've always known who I am," he says. "That's what I believe. I feel I was born this way. I've never questioned that."

Until now, of course, and the issues that the programme addresses do raise one potentially uncomfortable point: if the conclusion is that homosexuality is a choice, learned behaviour or the result of a particular experience at a certain time, does that mean that gay people can choose again, or unlearn their preferences? Could he? "It's not going to change who I am," he replies, instantly. "I always said, if the outcome is you're born this way, I'm going to be ecstatic. If the outcome is that it's something that happens to you, a trauma or it's your choice, I will have to reflect and think about that, but it's not going to change who I am because I like who I am." If it is a choice, it's a choice he'd make again.

And why wouldn't he? As he tells it, Barrowman's experience of life as a gay man has been overwhelmingly positive. At 41, he has a supportive and devoted family, a 15-year relationship with his partner, Scott Gill, and a successful career (before starring in Doctor Who and its spin-off series, Torchwood, and graduating from there to appearances as a judge on the find-me-a-star reality shows Any Dream Will Do, How Do You Solve A Problem Like Maria? and I'd Do Anything, he enjoyed a long and happy period as a leading man in the West End, mainly in musical theatre).

He mentions interviewing a Seventh Day Adventist "ex-gay" man while filming The Making Of Me, who believed that homosexuality was incompatible with a fulfilling life. "His idea was that you had to have the white picket fence and the farm and he was talking about it like it was something that I could never have," says Barrowman. "And I actually said to him, 'Yeah, but Ron, I have a partner, I have a dog, I have really nice cars, I have a beautiful home, I have a home by the sea and the beach. You can have that and be gay.' But he just couldn't see that."

Barrowman can see it. He and Gill are thinking about having children. "We're building a house in Cardiff on the beach. We're going to have six bedrooms in it and we feel like we've got a lot to offer." He says that from talking to different families for the show - both accepting of homosexuality and not - he learned that "a family unit is what you make a family unit".

Almost the first thing Barrowman does when he starts talking about the programme is insist that he's not a campaigner. "I never thought I would be like this," he says. "I never thought I'd be someone who would stand up for 'the cause'. I don't want to be a militant gay, because that's not me." But it's clear that he is naturally possessed of strong opinions. Since he and Gill became civil partners in 2006, Barrowman has always been adamant that it's not a "marriage". "I don't call it 'marriage' for my own reasons - and I would suggest to gay men and women that they don't call it a marriage, because it connotes religious organisations that don't like them, and why do we want to take that on board?"

But the recent escalation of his fame has put him in a position where he senses an obligation to do more. "I have to put it this way," he says. "There are some days that I sign, like, 400 pictures, autographs and stuff. And among those I generally get a bunch of, say, four, five emails and some written letters from young men and women who are struggling to come out of the closet and they don't know who to turn to because they're afraid of their family's reaction and they're afraid of their community's reaction. So when they approached me to do this [The Making of Me], I thought, 'Yeah, you know, I really kinda have to do it.' I do think I've got a responsibility to help change perceived attitudes or try to change them."

It's all a bit at odds with Barrowman's popular image, which starts with his showman's grin, an expert line in saucy banter and a reported fondness for showing everyone (especially co-stars who are trying to film a scene) his penis. His autobiography - Anything Goes, of course - tells stories of a carefree life in the limelight, hanging out with Claudia Schiffer on Valentino's yacht and having affairs with Spanish flamenco dancers called Paco. It's not that Showbiz John is a character that Barrowman plays for the public. Though he's clearly a born performer, there's no hint of concealed anguish beneath. It seems that he really is this upbeat, this positive, this happy, all the time. In TV appearances, he throws himself into the job with force: always eager to get the joke, make the joke, be the joke. It looks like uncontainable exuberance; sometimes it looks like he is having so much fun he may burst.

There is, actually, something slightly comic about Barrowman. He's so absurdly good looking, for one thing, and in such an obvious way: the teeth, the hair, the wide cheekbones and the blue, blue eyes. His American accent is almost too reassuringly warm (though he is able to segue into a broad Scottish brogue in seconds, a legacy of the first nine years of his childhood spent in Glasgow before moving with his family to Illinois, which is incredibly disconcerting; like being dragged across the Atlantic by your ears. He says both accents are his "natural" one) and his speech is peppered with phrases that, looking back, seem like fortune-cookie clichés: "I don't ask that you like me. I just ask that you respect me," is a favourite.

But at the time, and on him, it all works, because it's so patently sincere. He is just instinctively polite - waiting for me to turn over the tape in my Dictaphone before continuing a point, which hardly anyone ever does - and conscientious, diligently checking his notes from the programme to make sure he's getting it right. He is thoughtful and articulate, talking in long, seamless sentences, with passion and certainty. He might employ a hackneyed phrase every now and again, but it's because he believes them. And he has a natural solidity. You can see why he works on stage: he's tall and broad and booming; he's sure of what he's saying, and of himself.

In that, he's similar to his Doctor Who/Torchwood character, Captain Jack, who first appeared as a wayward interplanetary scoundrel who found friendship and redemption in the company of the timelord. On the one hand, he's cookie-cutter, old-school hero, all jutting jaw and big guns. On the other, he's a cheeky pan-sexual adventurer ("so many species, so little time") who landed a kiss on Christopher Eccleston's Doctor in the concluding storyline of the first series.

But - and this seems to be very Barrowman, too - Jack feels no tension or conflict about who he is. He lives in the confident expectation that the universe will order itself around him. Which it does. Captain Jack is one the best-loved of the returning characters - Torchwood was created pretty much to keep him on our screens - and his unapologetic eye for the gents as much as the ladies seems only to add to his appeal.

"I was doing a signing at a convention," Barrowman says, "and this father brought his son over and he said, 'Do you want Captain Jack's autograph?' and the kid said, 'Yeah, Dad, I don't care if he likes boys, he's still my hero.' And I thought, 'That's why I'm doing this.'

"I'd love to be a hero and that's why I love playing him, because he is a hero. But then, funnily enough, people have written to me and said I am their 'hero'" - he says the word with self-deprecating verbal air quotes - "because of standing up for what I believe in".

John Barrowman - The Making of Me is on BBC1, July 24, 2008

Source: The Guardian, I never thought I would stand up for the cause

Saturday, 12 July 2008

Gossip Boys

Truth, Lies and Ted

Episode: Is Jake Gyllenhaal sexist?

Source: Ted Casablanca, Truth, Lies & Ted video - July 10, 2008

Wednesday, 9 July 2008

Out In the Cold

The enduring stigma of homosexuality in Hollywood
By Matthew Hays
December 15, 2005

When Ang Lee’s latest film, Brokeback Mountain, did the festival circuit in the fall, it was greeted with warm critical and audience responses, won the top prize at Venice and was declared a cinematic breakthrough. The film — which opens Dec. 16 — involves two cowboys, played by rising stars Jake Gyllenhaal and Heath Ledger, who meet and fall in love in the 1960s. Despite their passionate romance, one that continues clandestinely over decades, they are never able to live together as a gay couple might do today. The social taboo surrounding homosexuality, the film tells us, is all that stands between them and their honest and innocent pursuit of happiness.

Brokeback Mountain is a testimony to the huge advances gays have made in terms of their representation on the big screen. It is a beautifully shot, studio-backed film featuring two bankable stars, directed by an Oscar-winning director, with a same-sex romance as its central focus. But these changes have not come easily.

In 1981, New York film critic Vito Russo penned the first edition of The Celluloid Closet, a diatribe in which he argued that the powers-that-be in Tinseltown had long supported anti-gay attitudes by infusing American movies with injurious stereotypes about the lives of gays and lesbians. Gays were too often sidekicks and the brunt of bad jokes, Russo argued, chastising closeted Hollywood gays for not pushing the issue further. Most striking was the book’s concluding section, "Necrology," in which Russo tallied a list of movies in which gay and lesbian characters met their untimely ends via suicide, mutilation, skewering or gunfire.

"Hollywood is too busy making old formulas hit the jackpot again to see the future," Russo stated in his final sentences of the book. "Hollywood is yesterday, forever catching up tomorrow with what’s happening today. This will change only when it becomes financially profitable, and reality will never be profitable until society overcomes its fear and hatred of difference and begins to see that we’re all in this together."

Many of Russo’s dreams have been realized since his death in 1990. With a general demystification of homosexuality in Western culture has come a shift in Hollywood casting calls. Now, heterosexual actors are no longer afraid to take on gay roles for fear of being identified as gay themselves. This has brought major star power to gay characters and issues that affect them. In Philadelphia (1994), Tom Hanks played a corporate banker who loses his job when his employers learn he has AIDS. He won an Oscar for his role, seen as doubly courageous given the character’s sexual orientation and illness. In 2003, Charlize Theron won the Oscar courage sweepstakes for her role in Monster, portraying a homely, serial-killing lesbian prostitute. It seems a fait accompli that Philip Seymour Hoffman will get an Oscar nomination for his portrayal of gay scribe Truman Capote. On television, meanwhile, Eric McCormack has won an Emmy for his ongoing role in the long-running sitcom Will & Grace.

These roles, considered breakthroughs in their own way, have something in common: the characters are all played by heterosexual actors. All of these portrayals have been accompanied by media fanfare and publicity. In interviews, the actors were always careful to emphasize that they are heterosexual. Indeed, it could be argued that their ability to muster widespread audience sympathy and empathy seems to be predicated on the fact that they’re only playing gay. Despite this so-called progress, when an actor plays a serial killer, they are never asked about their reluctance to take on the role. When an actor plays gay, the possible-reluctance question is obligatory.

If dramatic gay and lesbian representations have shifted radically in the past two decades, the change for gay actors is starkly unmoved by comparison. Various thespians have come out, but the idea of a leading actor — male or female — being openly gay remains out of the question. A number of British actors have come forward, notably Sir Ian McKellen and Rupert Everett, and Nathan Lane and Harvey Fierstein have given a number of supporting-role performances in Hollywood features. Ellen DeGeneres and Rosie O’Donnell have famously come out, but are now thought of primarily as talk-show hosts.

But little has shifted for the A-list acting club since Rock Hudson succumbed to AIDS 20 years ago. The damage such widespread knowledge could do to an actor was reinforced in 2001, when Tom Cruise sued a French tabloid for $10 million US over a fallacious story about the actor’s affair with a French porn star. Cruise’s lawyer, Bert Fields, pointed out in his legal brief that the mere perception that Cruise might be gay — and he is not, Fields repeated — could seriously damage Cruise’s ability to command multi-million-dollar film roles. In fact, much of the damage, Fields inferred, had already been done. “It’s something that will be there forever,” he said. The tabloid printed a full retraction and an apology.

The issue of closeted actors is something San Francisco-based author and screenwriter Armistead Maupin has dealt with in his own work. The author of the hugely popular newspaper serial-cum-book series Tales of the City, Maupin is a hero within the gay community for championing sexual honesty above all else. In 1995, when filmmakers chose to make a feature-length documentary version of Russo’s book The Celluloid Closet, they hired Maupin to write the narration. When the film was released, however, Maupin distanced himself from the project, slighting the film’s narrator, Lily Tomlin, for not being more forthcoming about her lesbianism. (Tomlin has since come out of the closet.)

"If Vito could see this now," Maupin said at the time, "he’d be very upset. Having a closeted person involved with this project runs counter to everything Vito Russo stood for: openness and honesty, and an end to the celluloid closet he wrote about so passionately."

In speeches and articles, Maupin frequently refers to the massive successes of the gay and lesbian liberation movement, a phrase that now seems almost quaint. But for all the discussion of evolving attitudes, he acknowledges little has changed for a new generation of A-list actors.

"Unfortunately, that closet hasn’t really vanished at all," Maupin told me recently. "It’s simply more sophisticated than it was in the past. Rock Hudson could rely on the fact that the local press wouldn’t run with a story about him being seen with another man. Now, gay superstars are required to get married, have children or adopt them and be very discreet about that trainer who travels with them."

At a time when black actors fought for better roles, the point was often made that Hollywood is about green, not black and white. According to Maupin, the question for gay actors boils down to the same thing: economics.

"It’s about money and the continuing perception that actors will lose money for their agents if they come out. And that may be true, but it won’t change until there’s honesty. I have more admiration than ever for people like Ian McKellan and Rupert Everett, who’ve come forward, been honest and are still pursuing their careers."

That’s two British actors who’ve come out. Where’s the American leading man?

Maupin sighs. "You’re right: there isn’t one."

Source: Out In the Cold, CBC Canada

Tuesday, 1 July 2008

Give me a break!

Dear Ted:
Are you ready to concede defeat on Jake yet? Or do you wish to add further embarrassment to yourself? Hello! has a story about Reese and Jake cohabitating. Everyone's lying though, right? Everyone but you. For a "showmance" they sure spend a lot of time together out of the public view. Get a clue, buddy, and stop spreading lies about people.

Dear Gyllenblind:
Hello!, the record of who's really diddling whom in this town? Give me a break.

Dear Ted:
Here's my take on gay Hollywood: If only one gay A-list couple would come out and have a public affair, have a row in public, break up, get back together, go furniture shopping in public, get married, adopt a cute baby and get a divorce—i.e. act like a straight Hollywood couple—they would sell just as many magazines. If Hollywood execs saw that gay people can bring in money, they wouldn't be afraid of casting them.

Dear One Sex Fits All:
Wish it were that simple. T.R. Knight and his boy toy are happy to be seen hand in hand for all the paps, but do ya see him scoring any leading man movie roles?

Dear Ted:
If Toothy Tile and Public Thrust want to be caught so badly, why don't they just come out already?

Dear Dental Work:
If it's voluntary, then they can't deny anything if they change their minds.

Dear Ted:
I don't get it. So, Jake G. is looking for a new, preferably female, assistant. Why does that make him picky and/or cantankerous? And to mention him in the same breath as Naomi Campbell—that's stretching it just a teensy bit, don't you think?
Wilmington, Del.

Dear Ass-istant:
Maybe you should apply for the Gyllen-gig and get back to us. Would make a fabulous item, trust.

Source: Ted Casablanca's The Awful Truth and The Awful Express newsletter

Saturday, 28 June 2008

Hot for Girls, Gross for Guys

Female stars, including Angelina Jolie and Drew Barrymore, have revealed past relationships with women and haven't seen their careers hurt in the least because of it. But among male actors, owning up to experimentation is all but verboten. Why the double standard?

"I'm not sure what that's based on anymore, other than the idea that leading men have to be virile and masculine in order for them to be viable for big roles," said Corey Scholibo, arts and entertainment editor of The Advocate. "For women, it seems that women and, of course, men will still accept them if they admit to experimentation in the past." …

But the fact that actresses seem able to reveal bisexuality without negative repercussions may not point to acceptance as much as society's desire to see them, first and foremost, as sex objects.

"It's great that women have more flexibility to experience those relationships without being penalized, but I think it's because women are taken less seriously in general," said Jennifer Baumgardner, author of "Look Both Ways: Bisexual Politics." "It's like, 'So what if they were fooling around?' When two men who were thought to be straight have sex, it's perceived as more serious."

Maybe that's why so few men in Hollywood are willing to talk about experimenting with other guys. Alan Cumming is the only major actor to call himself bisexual, but with his scrawny stature and preference for theater and indie flicks, he was classified as eccentric long before talking about his sexuality.

While E! online gossip columnist Ted Casablanca claims male actors "absolutely" fool around with the same sex as much as their female counterparts, he doubts he'll see a day when a hunky, A-list, alpha-male -- a Jake Gyllenhaal (who made waves when he starred as a gay cowboy in "Brokeback Mountain") or a Chace Crawford (the "Gossip Girl" pretty boy rumored to be gay) -- talks about it publicly.

"The public just doesn't know about it. It's still Hollywood's biggest, dirtiest secret -- absolutely always will be," Casablanca said. "The business is built on fantasy. If Joe is talking about how he likes to go around with Kenny, it doesn't work. But if Jenny wants to talk about getting it on with Katie, it sells tickets."

Casting directors and network executives contacted for this story were reluctant to talk about how the employability of actors, male and female, changes when they reveal they don't conform to the heterosexual norm. But while the bulk of bisexual Hollywood may still be in the closet, many gay actors have come out in recent years and haven't hurt their careers because of it.

"We've had a spate of them recently: David Hyde Pierce, Lance Bass; Neil Patrick Harris came out and still has his role as a womanizing man on 'How I Met Your Mother,'" Scholibo said. "Anytime someone comes out and says, 'I'm going to keep doing what I'm going to do,' it opens up the door for the public to accept a new kind of gayness which encompasses every kind of representation. But whether they owe it to us, I don't know."

Source: ABC News, Bisexual in Hollywood: OK for Girls, Not Guys

Tuesday, 24 June 2008

Truth, Lies and Ted

Dear Ted:
Correct me if I'm wrong, but in your recent Truth, Lies, and Ted video, there are at least two comical clues as to why Jake and Reese will not be living passionately ever after. One clue was visual, the other verbal, but both reaffirmed your status as gossip's most clever columnist! Kudos!
Dover, N.H.

Dear Between the Lines:
Was that when I was cleaning out the cat litter?

Dear Ted:
Love the column, Ted! Especially Sex, Lies and Ted! Great to see you in the flesh again, baby. I've noticed a few let's say "dubious" pairings in H'wood. How many reasons are there for a phony romance? Particularly when it is a serial occurrence?
New York City

Dear Repeat Offender:
First off, it’s Truth, Lies and Ted. Sex, Lies and Ted would be quite a different show, but glad to see where your mind is going. And faux-mances are all formed for one thing: publicity.

Dear Ted:
I think just about every man in Hollywood has been suggested for Toothy, so there is only one guy left: It’s gotta be Carrot Top! Please Tedly, tell us someday soon—I might be dead by the time you spill...
El Paso, Texas

Dear Not the Top:
Don’t insult the annals of this column’s beauty, darling, please.

Dear Ted:
Hold on there a minute, mister. What do you have against Illinois, the land of Lincoln? We have everything you've got if not better. So in the fashion of honest Abe, I expect you to answer this truthfully, to redeem yourself, as I know you're sorry for that tawdry remark: Is Toothy's hair dark or light?

Dear Abe-l:
Somewhere in between, sorta like the truth. Calm down about Illinois, Oprah lives there, so I suppose you have half a point, at least.

Source: Ted Casablanca's The Awful Truth and The Awful Express newsletter


June 25, 2008

I Want Eye Candy
Two reality stars start up just as soon as one of them is about to hit the road, while Jake Gyllenhaal apparently gets choosy when it comes to personal (assistant) matters. ...

It's a Woman's World

As if Naomi Campbell wasn’t exacting enough, now we’ve got our darling Jakey Gyllenhaal being a tad pushy, too. It’s all so treacherous these days watching celeb-ville get more and more cantankerous. Did you know Mr. G is currently looking for a new assistant? Must be all those coffee and yoga dates with Reese-love—I’m sure they’re all hell to put together, those sweaty appointments. Help is needed by the dimpled dude!

But don’t bother applying if you’re a guy. Insiders knowledgeable with the star who’s dating the chick known for always buying two calendars (in case one gets too smudgy half way through the year), say Gyllenhaal is more interested in a female assistant. Doesn’t surprise moi, really, ‘cause everybody knows men gossip more than women. Known fact, babe-cakes.

Source: Ted Casablanca's The Awful Truth