Monday, 22 September 2008

Borders Bookstore

May 4, 2007

Jake Gyllenhaal, Austin Nichols and friends hanging out in a bookstore on a Friday night.

Jake Gyllenhaal, Austin Nichols
Jake Gyllenhaal
Jake Gyllenhaal
Source: IHJ

Wednesday, 17 September 2008

Toothy Tile Forever

September 9, 2008

Dear Ted:
I have read all your Toothy Tile items and I know who he is. My guess, and I know no one has guessed, is Channing Tatum. He has to be. I also want to throw in Emile Hirsch and Chris Evans just in case.
—Carson

Dear Three in One:
What's Baby Tile, chopped gossip? Negative on all three, but right age group.

Source: Ted Casablanca's The Awful Truth
***


September 10, 2008

Dear Ted:
You are so sassy! I knew Toothy Tile was Matthew McConaughey. And then you gave it away stating that Liev Schrieber and Toothy have a much in common...duh, like Liev scrambled is Levi, Matthew's new baby. Seriously! Brilliant. I'm a Republican, through and through...but honestly Ted, I think we would be great buddies. Why can't elephants and donkeys just get along? I adore you.
—J. Strauss

Dear Jungle Joneser:
Why does everybody in the world think M.M. is T.T.? (He's not.) I simply find that fascinating. Adore you back!


Dear Ted:
I absolutely can't stand the format and color of the AT site now. I know, I know, I know you don't care, you're past it...but anyone who's says they like it is just sucking up to you big-time. On another item, in your experienced estimation, what's the ratio of heteros to gays/lesbians in Hollywood? Just so I won't be shocked the next time I read one of your columns.
—Kat

Dear Math Class:
1 in 10. Are straight, that is.


Dear Ted:
I love your column and even if you piss me off more often than not (especially when you badmouth Jennifer Aniston and Jen Garner), I just can't stop reading and following your work. I wish I knew how to quit ya! Is James Franco Toothy Tile?
—Lisa

Dear Toothy Tell All:
No, but dollmuff, you're so close more than a few fagolas in T-town are sweatin' plenty right about now. Nice detective work.

Source: Ted Casablanca's The Awful Truth
***


September 11, 2008

Truth, Lies and Ted

Episode: A bit of Phonyspoon

Ted Casablanca

September 12, 2008

Dear Ted:
Is Toothy Tile Chad Michael Murray? Would you even tell us if we guessed correctly?
—cjpulvini

Dear Murray Mistake:
It ain't Murray—we'd have no problem giving Chad's bedroom habits away. Toothy's much juicier than some One Tree Hill chump.


Dear Ted:
You've kept the toothpaste cap on Toothy Tile's identity for too long! Toothy is like your "Who Shot J.R." of the digital age.
—Flicky

Dear Mystery Man:
We promise we won't pull a Dallas and make it all just a dream at the end of the A.T.'s run. Which ain't happening anytime soon, kiddos, worry not.


Dear Ted:
I love that you print all those nasty letters. I don't know anyone who wouldn't be just a little insulted, yet you go and publish them to the world. Nice. So, is Tobey M. our boy Toothy?
—niliyolin

Dear Blinded By the Bisexuality:
Thanks and no. Think prettier. Kinda right on the rest, though!

Source: Ted Casablanca's The Awful Truth
***


September 16, 2008

Dear Ted:
I think you are lovely and amazing. But why must you tease us so with the ongoing saga of Toothy Tile? Must we guess every actor in Hollywood until you have eliminated all but one? Since the answer is probably yes, I'll contribute a guess: Milo Ventimiglia. He went out with Alexis Bledel, and who better fits the description of "superannoyingly perfect" than the younger Gilmore? And Tile could be a contraction of "Twenty Miles," which his surname translates to. Alexis, Hayden P....With his tastes in beards, one could say Toothy has led astray the good girl, no?
—Jane, Australia

Dear S&M Wannabe:
Because torture is so delicious. And no on Milo, think even more famous a player.


Dear Ted:
Has Toothy curbed the public nooky sessions? Also, do his parents know he's gay?
—Angela

Dear Det. Debauched:
Yes and yes.

Source: Ted Casablanca's The Awful Truth

Thursday, 11 September 2008

Masterpiece

September 7, 2008

AfterElton.com - first annual poll of the best gay male movies of all time:

1. Brokeback Mountain (2005)

Brokeback Mountain
Ferragamos or Birkenstocks? Mojitos or good ol’ beer? Gay men don’t seem to agree on much. But by a wide margin of nearly two-to-one, you chose Brokeback Mountain as the greatest gay movie of all time. And how could it be otherwise? “It’s not ‘gay,’” said some, trying to broaden the film’s appeal, “it’s a ‘universal love story’!”

But is it really? Plenty of heterosexuals have had the experience of hiding a love affair, but how many of them know what it’s like to be forced by society to deny themselves the very possibility of love? This is the daring and fundamentally “gay” question at the heart of Ang Lee’s 2005 masterpiece: can two men simply allow themselves to love each other? And though the movie is set in the past, it is, ultimately, the very choice that every gay man still must make.

Jake Gyllenhaal is flawless as Jack Twist in arguably the movie’s most difficult role. But Heath Ledger’s heartbreaking portrayal of Ennis Del Mar, a walking cautionary tale of homophobia’s logical end result, is a revelation — a total acting transformation made all the more tragic by Ledger’s death earlier this year. But the indignities and injustices that Jack and Ennis faced did not end at Brokeback Mountain’s closing credits. Upon the film’s release, the movie’s makers and fans were subjected to a six-month orgy of tasteless jokes from clueless comedians and bile-filed commentary from right-wing pundits. All of this negativity culminated when the movie, long considered the Oscar front-runner, lost Best Picture to a fine but unremarkable movie called Crash, perhaps the most egregious upset in Oscar history and almost certainly the result of lingering homophobia in Hollywood’s old guard.

But that fusillade of ridicule and outrage is already fading into the gloom of a bigoted past while the movie’s artistry and quiet power shines brighter than ever. Let’s face it: this isn’t just the greatest gay movie of all time, it’s one of the greatest movies ever.

Source: AfterElton.com, The Fifty Greatest Gay Movies!

Sunday, 7 September 2008

Too Close For Comfort

September 4, 2008

Dear Ted:
Is Baby Tile human or animal?
C.L. in Pa.

Dear Little of Both:
As human as something can be in this town.


Dear Ted:
I just had an epiphany...is Toothy Tile Liev Schreiber? Baby on the way, same age as Affleck. Come on, it's killing me not to know.
Gillian

Dear Too Close for Toothy's Comfort:
Not exactly. Actually, not at all. But L and the real Tooth do have so much in common, true.

Source: Ted Casablanca's The Awful Truth
***


September 5, 2008

One Boyishly Bothered Blind Vice

Isn't it interesting Lloyd Boy-Toyed is undertaking his latest media campaign to fight off rumors about everything under the tabloid sun—every topic save the one he wants to get out: that he sometimes likes young dudes in bed. Not Michael Jackson-style, mind you, but he sometimes likes 'em young. And to keep quiet. And you know what that means, doncha girlfriends? Occasionally Mr. Boy-Toyed's gotta give 'em the green. What a cold, hard, cashed-out town this can be, huh?

Let's see, Lloyd's busy mouthing off about his nasty battles with most everybody in the Biz, not to mention his more cherished (and known) companions and relatives. He appears to be a total crank-a-thon, really, but don't believe it for a sec. Oh, some of it's real, that's fer sure, but it's mostly for show, I assure you.

I have firsthand knowledge of Lloyd's more cunning agendas—not to mention the ones he prefers to get underway under the covers. Don't ask me how. I can't tell! I'm a married man now! I would never embark on something as nasty as tattling 'tween the sheets when I've got a superhoney at home. Quite the opposite of how Lloyd goes about things, trust.

Really, though, as sloppy as Lloyd's getting in the attempting-to-score department, he's gonna be out long before our beloved Toothy Tile, I assure you. Oh, and Lloyd-baby, I don't care, really. But, your blind-as-merde fans sure will. I say screw it, already! (Like you have so many guys.)

And It Ain't: Matthew Perry, David Duchovny, Kanye West

Source: Ted Casablanca's The Awful Truth

Tuesday, 2 September 2008

J.G.

August 29, 2008

Dear Ted:
Ted, I love your wit, and the new retina-burning format is starting to grow on me. You said there's a Baby Tile — is there another one on the way? Is it Ben Affleck?
Scutten

Dear Baby Q:
Such the good guess, babes, so right in so many brunet directions, alas, it's the wrong two-timing type.

Source: Ted Casablanca's The Awful Truth
***

September 2, 2008

Dear Ted:
After delving deeper in your articles and in others on other websites, I've come to a horrible conclusion — sure hope I'm 100 percent wrong — but is Toothy Tile Ben Affleck?
strayerch240

Dear Spin Jen:
Oh, wouldn't that just give J.G. a kick in her softer spots, which, of course, don't exist, so what the ef are we talking about? Right age and acting oeuvre, wrong dude.

Source: Ted Casablanca's The Awful Truth