Thursday, 1 January 2009

2008's Bits and Pieces

January 8, 2008

Dear Ted:
One of my favorite items last year was the rumor Toothy Tile and Grey Goose were hoping to start a fam. This would definitely end up being my favorite Hollywood kiddo — sorry, Jolie-Pitts. So, where does Baby Tile currently sit: on the back burner or in the oven?
Barbara
Nashville, Tennessee


Dear Offspring Inquirer:
Does the frying pan work for you?
***

July 25, 2008

See, ol’ Tooth, our fave partner in sex-in-public crime is being just as brazen, only with words, not his crotch. The pretty boy (man, on occasion) is gleefully telling more than a few gossipy girls — which means boys, natch, in highly exaggerated fagola speak, but then, I’m sure you already knew that, hon-cakes — that he’s quite aware the hunt for his identity is on. And has been for sometime. Says he enjoys it, even. Who wouldn’t, really? Especially if you’re dead certain your identity will never be revealed. Yep, that’s right.

T2 says he’s havin’ such a fab gay ol’ experience of it all because he’s “sure,” as it’s been relayed to this columnist, that the true identity of Mr. Tile will never, ever be discussed by yours truly. Oh, really? Is that so?
***

Bubble Boy
August 5, 2008

Dear Ted:
Two questions: First, can you confirm any of the old Blind Vices that are already public knowledge? And second, is Sheila Muff-Driver from One Desperate-Diva Blind Vice Faye Dunaway?
Jill
Miami


Dear Seeing Spots:
Yes.
***

August 13, 2008

Dear Ted:
What describes Toothy Tiles's situation better: "Single Tile," "Mr. and Mr. Tile" or "Family Tile"? Please, could you include clues and hints more often about him? What happened to that great idea to dedicate one day a month to only Toothy questions?
Ashley
London


Dear Multiple Choice:
Family Tile. Don’t remember committing to one day a month trying to ferret out T.T.’s identity. Still, don’t think that’s enough for my taste.
***

August 26, 2008

Dear Ted:
Please don't be like Toothy himself when asked a tough question. Just give a simple answer. A yes or no will do. No beating around the bush or skirting the issue. Is there a Baby Tile?
—Tom, Mt. Laurel

Dear Gay Shooter:
Yes.
***

September 30, 2008

Dear Ted:
I called in sick today and said I was deficient in my Vitamin T—OK, that was cheesy, but I think I deserve for this question to be printed since I risked my livelihood over it! Have you and Mr. Tile ever done the nasty (prehubby, of course!)? I reread some entries and you two sure seemed a little flirty a couple of years ago. And, who is hotter, Toothy or his BF? Is Mario Lopez his lover?
—Thrasher

Dear Bedroom Boinked:
In order: No. Yes. Neither, I like men, not little beautiful boys who still retain a tad of privileged baby fat. No.
***

October 11, 2008

Dear Ted:
Would you answer the million-dollar question: Is Toothy Tile gay or bisexual? How about Gray Goose? What is the real nature of Toothy's relationship with his beard?
—Mia

Dear Tricky Tooth:
You mean the one on his face or the one on his publicist’s speed dial? Gay as my vocabulary, darling. Ditto on the real love in Toothy’s life.
***

December 12, 2008

I remember Toothy back from when he was getting it on in West Hollywood parking lots, for any cop to see. In fact one did see, but, of course, the Tooth got off, thanks to his powerful reps — sheesh, so predictable. But now comes word that Toothy's not only stepping out on the B.F. (unless this was done with his approval, perchance?), but he's doing it smartly, like, every other bigass, closeted dude in town does — contracts to sign, in hand.
***

December 19, 2008

Repeat Blind Vice offender Toothy has a former fling running her (yes, her) mouth around town about a drug-infested hookup with Mr. Tile. Do tell, babes! Apparently, T.T. banged said blabber to try to prove to himself—or more importantly, the powers that be (managers, publicists, the public) that he isn't gay. See, the more chicks he hooks, the farther back in the closet he goes; just how his handlers want it.