Tuesday, 28 October 2008

Ticking Tile

October 16, 2008

Dear Ted:
Why is Toothy Tile bearding when he has a baby with his boyfriend? As much as I adore Family Tile, I think Gray Goose should take Baby Tile with him and leave Toothy. Enough is enough when manufacturing a fake image! The baby comes first and requires honesty. What do you think?
—Myla

Dear Honest Woman:
I think you know what I think. After all, your letter's first, isn't it?

Source: Ted Casablanca's The Awful Truth
***


October 21, 2008

Dear Ted:
I, too, am tired of the Toothy Tile game...but just out of curiosity, how many people have sent you an email correctly identifying him?
—SanFriskyBabe

Dear Ticking Tile:
A few.

Source: Ted Casablanca's The Awful Truth

Sunday, 19 October 2008

Every Day is Toothy Day

October 7, 2008

Dear Ted:
You so often told us that Toothy Tile knows he's Toothy and that he's proud of it. What about Gray Goose, is he a proud one, too?
—Robert

Dear Smile Like You Mean It:
Hardly. Grimacing through it all.


Dear Ted:
Who is the most loving, sweetest and hottest hubby: Toothy's or yours? Is Baby Tile old enough to walk?
—Grace

Dear Tile-icious:
Mine. No.


Dear Ted:
If Jake and Reese are just PR buddies, then as far as I can tell, he hasn't dated anyone since he broke up with Kirsten Dunst back in 2005. Is he that picky?
—Jill, M.E.

Dear Dump or Dunst:
Maybe he didn't date KiKi, either.

Source: Ted Casablanca's The Awful Truth
***


October 11, 2008

Dear Ted:
Would you answer the million-dollar question: Is Toothy Tile gay or bisexual? How about Gray Goose? What is the real nature of Toothy's relationship with his beard?
—Mia

Dear Tricky Tooth:
You mean the one on his face or the one on his publicist’s speed dial? Gay as my vocabulary, darling. Ditto on the real love in Toothy’s life.


Dear Ted:
I have so many questions for you! Is Daniel Craig Toothy Tile? Is Obama going to win? Will Brad Pitt pull a Woody Allen and marry Zahara 18 years from now?
—Jenna K

Dear Lot to Handle:
No. Hopefully. Better not.


Dear Ted:
Does Toothy Tile's GF/beard know that he's T.T.? Or if not, that he's gay?
—Pat, Chicago

Dear Loose Goose:
Enough with Toothy! He’s not even that good of an actor, what’s all the damn fuss, already? And, of course, Toothy's woman knows he's Toothy, as well as his mattress persuasions, duh. She's been down this road before, think she'd be over the swinging studs by now, but whatever.


Dear Ted:
You're so jaded about celebrity relationships. You seem to think like there's an expiration date to these couplings.
—Dnnro

Dear Downer:
No worries, every day is Toothy Day here at A.T.!

Source: Ted Casablanca's The Awful Truth

Sunday, 12 October 2008

Remembering Matthew Shepard

Matthew Shepard
We asked people: "What effect did Matthew Shepard’s murder have on you since it happened 10 years ago?"

Matthew Shepard’s murder has served as a reminder for me that even good can come out of the most heinous acts. Dennis and Judy argued against the death penalty for their son’s murderers, and after his death established the Matthew Shepard Foundation to promote lgbt equality.
Bryan Glick

I was heartbroken; at the time I was living life as if America was a safe and accepting place. Ten years later I have learned that, in order for America to be that safe and accepting place, I have to live a genuine, visible life and take every opportunity to stand up in support of my community.
Erika Church

Matthew Shepherd’s heinous murder made real for me the ugly bigotry that had been hidden too long by giving it a face and a soul. Whenever I read of homophobic statements and actions, I now see Matthew’s face and it reminds me to stay in the fight for equality for all.
Kurt Bestor

I remember where I was and what I was doing — morning rush hour traffic. It made me realize how vulnerable life can be, and that living in my little bubble in Salt Lake City couldn’t protect me. I am always paying attention to my surroundings and I take nothing for granted.
Matt Lyon

I realized that the time had come for me to pull my head out of my ass and begin to live my life as God intended; gay, courageous and out.
John Wood

Matthew Shepard’s murder put a face to the issue of hate crimes in this country and who the victims of homophobia really are. His death was not only a wake up call to society at large, it was a resounding bell for the GLBT community to stand up for equal treatment and protection under the law. May His Memory Be Eternal (Greek Orthodox blessing).
Connie Anast

Matthew Shepard died just a couple years before I came out at 17. He signifies to me both that it is important to stand up and be counted for who I am, but to always remember that it can be dangerous to do so.
Josh Adamson

I have become very sensitive of which strangers I am open with about my sexuality (at least when I am in a strange town). When I travel through small towns I imagine the frustration and fears that the local GLBTQ people may be going through and I hope that they find positive allies and friends who will help to protect them.
Jeremiah Maybee

I wondered to myself "How in the world could anyone kill such a beautiful young man with so much potential and so much more life to be lived?" I remember attending the vigil at the Captiol that cold fall night when our community gathered together lighting candles in remembering Matthew’s life. That memory will live for me forever. Unfortunately, even with Matthew Shepard’s passing, many today are still violently beaten or killed today. When will it stop?
Mark Swonson

Source: QStreet: 10 Years After Matthew Shepard

Matthew Shepard Foundation

Saturday, 4 October 2008

Friends with PR Benefits

September 18, 2008

Dear Ted:
We get it, Jen Garner sucks. Onto more important things... Toothy Tile! Could you please run down the "And it's not..." list for me. After all this time, I am getting hazy on the Un-Toothy Tiles. My guess for T2... Matthew Broderick.
—Jen, Iowa

Dear Too Much Toothy:
Toothy's much sneakier than lame-ass Broderick. As for the list, check out the Internet. I do believe someone out there's been keeping track.


Dear Ted:
Is Toothy Tile Viggo Mortensen? You mentioned Lord of the Rings in one of your responses about a Toothy Tile guess.
—Cheryl

Dear Connection Failed:
Not the Lord of the Homo we're looking for dear, sorry. Think younger, less real-life brawny.


Dear Ted:
Love the new format—Monday mornings not so much, the yellow hurts my eyes. Toothy Tile has to be Matthew McConaughey. He has that "trying too hard" macho vibe. And the baby mama was a pragmatic career move.
—Groutless in Toronto

Dear Macho, Macho Matt:
Matt's more Hickville than Gayville, sorry. But at least he's not Toothy, I'll say that much.

Source: Ted Casablanca's The Awful Truth
***


September 23, 2008

Dear Ted:
Kindly please replace your word of retard to peabrain or D.D. (Delbert Dumbutt) or something that is decidedly less targeted to a group of people who already got the shaft in life; the mentally retarded. I love you, baby! I'm just defensive about the term since my son is high-functioning autistic. Now get a move on with some serious gossip. BTW, is Hillary Clinton Toothy Tile? Thought I'd have some fun today!
—Mckinn

Dear PC:
Noted, but don't go too Tropic Thunder on my ass and take it with a little bit of humor (I get your point, though), just as I am with your BV guess. It's good for the chuckles, but Hil ain't your man.


Dear Ted:
Does Toothy Tile know he's Toothy Tile in your Blind Vices? I've always heard that people in celebrity camps scroll blog sites (just to make sure they're getting talked about, of course). Just wondering if his people have figured out you're talking about him.
—Brg4Eyes

Dear Eavesdrop:
Toothy knows, alright. That's why he loves to do his out-me mamba all across T-town.


Dear Ted:
You mention that Colin Farrell has been in a "family twister" Blind Vice and that Toothy Tile is "less brawny in real life." You also have said that there is a Baby Tile, and Colin has a kid, does he not? Is he Toothy?
—AJ in Columbus

Dear Jigsaw Jumbler:
It sounds good on paper. But in reality, C.F. is as hetero and horny as they come.


Dear Ted:
Are the And It Ain't choices (1) always (2) sometimes or (3) never themselves the subjects of other Blind Vices?
—Barb

Dear Multiple Fess:
There is a golden ding showering you behind Door No. 2, darling!


Dear Ted:
As much as I wish Toothy Tile was in actuality Sarah Palin's husband, I have convinced myself it is Hugh Jackman. Yay or Nay?
—Katy

Dear Wishful Thinking:
Nay. Almost, but not quite.

Source: Ted Casablanca's The Awful Truth
***


September 25, 2008

Dear Ted:
Toothy Tile is Jennifer Garner. Enjoy your column...can't agree with you on your politics. God bless America and God bless you!
—Cha

Dear Kinda Kindred:
Glad we can agree to disagree—par-tick on the testy J.G. being Toothy. She wishes she were that interesting!

Source: Ted Casablanca's The Awful Truth
***


September 26, 2008

Dear Ted:
Are Clay Aiken and his baby son Toothy's boyfriend Gray Goose and Baby Tile?
—Jane

Dear Too Obvious:
Toothy's lover isn't coming out anytime soon.


Dear Ted:
Now that Sophia Bush is single and working on One Tree Hill with three of her ex-boyfriends, Chad Michael Murray, James Lafferty and Austin Nichols, do you think she will start dating one of them again? I hope she goes for Austin. I liked them together.
—Paula

Dear Ex Factor:
CMM is out, fer sure. He can maybe hope for some hate sex, but that's it. I think Bush should even the scoreboard and go for Benji Madden. Thoughts?


Dear Ted:
Could you tell us more about Toothy's boyfriend? He is half of the most intriguing and beautiful Hollywood gay closeted couple and the other daddy of Baby Tile. Don't you think he deserves more attention from you?
—April

Dear Man Hunt:
No, but his abs surely do.

Source: Ted Casablanca's The Awful Truth
***


September 30, 2008

Dear Ted:
I called in sick today and said I was deficient in my Vitamin T—OK, that was cheesy, but I think I deserve for this question to be printed since I risked my livelihood over it! Have you and Mr. Tile ever done the nasty (prehubby, of course!)? I reread some entries and you two sure seemed a little flirty a couple of years ago. And, who is hotter, Toothy or his BF? Is Mario Lopez his lover?
—Thrasher

Dear Bedroom Boinked:
In order: No. Yes. Neither, I like men, not little beautiful boys who still retain a tad of privileged baby fat. No.


Dear Ted:
Recently you said 1 in 10 people in Hollywood were straight. You must be including behind-the-scenes creative folks, agents, producers, etc. In terms of actors/actresses, what is the percentage that is straight?
—Cupcake in Cincinnati

Dear Left Brain:
One in 25. Make that 100.


Dear Ted:
OK, so Clay is gay. Big whoop...file that reveal under No Merde. Quick question, though…Has Clay ever been a subject of one of your Blind Vices? If yes, which one? And yes, I know he's not Toothy Tile.
—Jen

Dear Aching for Aiken:
Clay is far too dull for our sexy Vice archives.


Dear Ted:
The mags have been pushing the Reese-Jake romance for over a year now, but neither will confirm or deny the rumors. What’s the big secret?
—Mallory, Conn.

Dear Cladestine Couple:
Those two are just friends with benefits. The benefits, of course, meaning publicity.

Source: Ted Casablanca's The Awful Truth
***


October 1, 2008

Dear Ted:
I'm wondering if Toothy Tile is Jason Lee?
—Melanie Lyle

Dear Det. Closet:
Right look, wrong dude. But there's certainly a common thread here, doll-babe, at least 'tude wise.

Source: Ted Casablanca's The Awful Truth
***


October 2, 2008

Dear Ted:
Toothy Tile is Mario Lopez because of his toothy grin, dimples, fab shape, perfect abs, consistent seemingly gal-chasing ways, and hanging out with BFF so often but that easily jealous husband of BFF is never jealous of Mario. That's the biggest giveaway. Right, Ted?
—Markie from Cincinnati

Dear Access Denied:
Toothy isn't C-list, darling.

Source: Ted Casablanca's The Awful Truth