Saturday, 10 January 2009

One Sad Blind Vice

December 19, 2008

One Gag Me With Cocaine Blind Vice

Toothy Tile, we hardly knew ya. Last week it was signed confidentiality agreements with your male paramours (other than your main man); this week it's far, far, far worse: pretend, horrible sex with a member of the opposite sex, in hopes that your studly reputation will somehow be fixed. Ain't gonnna work — here's why:

Repeat Blind Vice offender Toothy has a former fling running her (yes, her) mouth around town about a drug-infested hookup with Mr. Tile. Do tell, babes! Apparently, T.T. banged said blabber to try to prove to himself — or more importantly, the powers that be (managers, publicists, the public) that he isn't gay. See, the more chicks he hooks, the farther back in the closet he goes; just how his handlers want it.

Eh, not really the best plan, as Tooth's last female "lover," if you could call her that, has been yapping away about her evening with the now A-list famous type. But it wasn't exactly candles and cuddles like you'd think.

Try tons of coke. Toothy would make this lady blow lines all over his tight bod until he was “numb,” bitched the gal who did the blowing. [First version: Toothy would make this lady blow lines off his, umm, little Toothy Tile, until he was "numb," bitched the gal who did the blowing.] Then they could get down to business in what we're told were very "interesting" positions, i.e., painfully unnatural and not exactly enjoyable.

As disturbing as this news is, we must say we feel a bit sorry for our beloved Tooth (not to mention the used honey). This all took place, we're told, before Tile hooked up with his current beard, right when he was adamantly told not to come out, so it's no wonder he turned to drugs.

What's next? Meth with Morgan Mayhem? Pray not.

And It Ain't: All 3 Jonas Bros.

Source: Ted Casablanca's The Awful Truth