Thursday, 28 August 2008

Golden Boy

Australian diver Matthew Mitcham won gold in the men's 10m platform event at the Beijing Olympics.

Matthew Mitcham
July 2, 2008

In August, diver Matthew Mitcham will become the first openly-gay Australian to compete in an Olympic Games.

In many ways, Matthew Mitcham is just your regular 20-year-old gay guy.

He lives in inner Sydney, he has a boyfriend, his favourite club is Arq. He loves to watch The Simpsons, Futurama and Queer As Folk. His favourite music is by The Presets, Kate Miller-Heidke and Missy Higgins.

But Matthew Mitcham is not your regular 20-year-old gay guy.

Not only is he an elite member of Australia’s Olympic diving team, but last month he became headline news around the world.

The reason? For being gay.

A casual remark to a journalist during an interview with The Sydney Morning Herald led to a flurry of international publicity. The Herald put Mitcham on its front page. In Britain, national daily newspaper The Independent carried an article under the headline ‘Gay diver breaks Australian sporting taboo’.

Respected British daily The Guardian, rarely interested in Antipodean affairs, chimed in with an opinion piece asserting that while “Australia is an enlightened place these days, Australian sport, on the other hand, is not.” Mitcham had committed “a brave act indeed by coming out”, it said.

But the person at the centre of it all sees things differently.

Speaking to SX during a break from training at the Sydney Aquatic Centre in Homebush, Matthew Mitcham is nonplussed by all the fuss.

“It’s not really a big deal,” he says. “It’s not like I’m a different person. It’s not like I was straight before. So nothing really has changed.”

In fact, Mitcham doesn’t even agree that he ‘came out’ last month.

“I came out years ago. All that happened recently was that I was doing an interview with the Herald and there was a pretty innocuous question, ‘Who do I live with?’ and I just said ‘my partner Lachlan’. And the journalist was really excited – she thought it was absolutely wonderful!”

While Mitcham, who came out to friends and family at age fourteen (Mum’s reaction: “Well, duh!”), doesn’t see his sexuality a big deal, he’s not naïve about his position as Australia’s highest-profile out gay sportsman. He’s aware that other people do see it as “a big deal” and he’s happy to wear the mantle of ‘role model’ for young gay guys.

“Being in my position, it’s inevitable,” he concedes. “There’s not really much choice. If someone looks up to you, then you’re a role model. And I’m happy with that. I just hope I do a good job – I’m not perfect!”

He certainly bears the markings of a good gay role model: he’s successful, attractive and he’s not shy about speaking up on queer issues. When asked for his view on same-sex marriage, for instance, he has no compunction slamming Prime Minister Kevin Rudd.

“I’m not happy with Kevin Rudd,” he says, bluntly. “Kevin Rudd’s opinion of marriage as something that’s only between a man and a woman is quite narrow-minded. During the election campaign he was all about appearing young and cool, but his views on gay marriage make him look quite old-fashioned.”

Similarly, Mitcham doesn’t hold back when quizzed about criticism of his ‘coming out’. When the Herald story was initially published, this journalist overheard two women on a train explaining to each other’s satisfaction why it was ‘ridiculous’. “Why don’t heterosexuals come out as straight?” harrumphed one. “They’re just obsessed with their sexuality,” sneered the other. I ask Mitcham for his response to this line of thinking.

“That’s a really uneducated, unworldly view,” he replies. “And you know what? Straight people talk about their sexuality all the time. They talk about the opposite sex, they talk about their wives, their husbands, their marriage. Those are all heterosexual discourses, and they do talk about them all the time. So those ladies didn’t think their comments through very well.”

But of course, gay politics is not Mitcham’s primary focus right now. He’s under a punishing training schedule ahead of the Beijing Olympic Games, where he hopes to bring back gold for Australia in the ten-metre platform and three-metre springboard events.

He’s already won gold this year at the 2008 Diving Grand Prix in Fort Lauderdale, Florida.

“All my energy is focused on Beijing right now,” says a tenacious Mitcham. “I’ve been diving since I was eleven, so it’s been nine years of work leading up to this.”

Whether he brings back the gold or not, something tells me we’ll be hearing a lot more of Matthew Mitcham.

Source: Making a splash by Peter Hackney

Saturday, 23 August 2008


August 20, 2008

Dear Ted:
Has Crotch Uh-Lastic ever invited Toothy Tile to swim in his pool? Have you ever used two different monikers for the same person?
Peter, New York City

Dear Peter Patrol:
I believe no, and certainly not. That would be like double skinny-dipping!

Dear Ted:
Is Baby Tile Sunday Rose Kidman Urban?

Dear Det. Diapers:
Nope, but great guess, babe. Just not with Keith, as he's, um, greased in every heterosexual sense of the word.

Source: Ted Casablanca's The Awful Truth

August 22, 2008

Dear Ted:
What do you think of Jake G's new princely body? Hottie or nottie? I'd have liked it if only he had chosen to reveal it in the context of the movie and without doing a staged photo op with Reese in the middle of the desert. Everything they do together is too calculated and publicity conscious for my taste.

Dear Go Jake or Go Home:
Jakey-Poo's ripped bod might be the only way to get us to one of his flicks. Rendition anyone?

Source: Ted Casablanca's The Awful Truth

August 26, 2008

Dear Ted:
Please don't be like Toothy himself when asked a tough question. Just give a simple answer. A yes or no will do. No beating around the bush or skirting the issue. Is there a Baby Tile?
Tom, Mt. Laurel

Dear Gay Shooter:

Source: Ted Casablanca's The Awful Truth

Sunday, 17 August 2008

Mr. and Mr. Tile

August 13, 2008

Dear Ted:
What describes Toothy Tiles's situation better: "Single Tile," "Mr. and Mr. Tile" or "Family Tile"? Please, could you include clues and hints more often about him? What happened to that great idea to dedicate one day a month to only Toothy questions?

Dear Multiple Choice:
Family Tile. Don’t remember committing to one day a month trying to ferret out T.T.’s identity. Still, don’t think that’s enough for my taste.

Dear Ted:
I so wish that you would/could reveal Toothy Tile. In the meantime, is Crotch Uh-Lastic Josh Hartnett? He is brooding, boyish and certainly crusty.
St. Louis, Mo.

Dear Crotch Catch:
So close (much more so than Mr. H. would like, I’m sure). But alas, wrong dude. Think more talented. By, like, a lot.

Dear Ted:
Greetings from the great Football Hall of Fame city! Love your column and read it ravenously at lunchtime...great escape! I was just wondering if Crotch Uh-Lastic could be Kevin Spacey? And maybe Toothy Tile is John C. Reilly?
Canton, Ohio

Dear No Touchdowns:
Keep trying, babe, way off on both. Think more good-lookin’ than either Kev or Johnny C., sorry fellas, it’s a superficial world out there.

Source: Ted Casablanca's The Awful Truth


August 15, 2008

Dear Ted:
Still getting used to the blog but still lovin' the goss. I'm stumped by your new addition, Crotch Uh-Lastic. I'm hoping it's not my favorite hunk-a-licious Christian Bale. Everything you say makes me think of him—the S.O. suddenly appearing, the dark, brooding roles, artsy films, and he has gone for similar roles as Toothy Tile. Please say it ain't him.

Dear Cat Woman:
Poor old C.B. has enough drama in his life at the mo to be Crotch. Think slightly less fabulously paid.

Source: Ted Casablanca's The Awful Truth

Tuesday, 12 August 2008


August 8, 2008

Blind Vice Friday! Closeted Stars Are Dummies!

This is just great. Not only is Crotch Uh-Lastic, whom you all met last week—-and whom I could have sworn it would be at least a few weeks before we all said hullo to again—really does have his brains stuffed deep inside his paramours’ overly tight swimsuits. See, the big-screen idol, whose pics make all kinds of bucks because their themes are all so brilliantly multiplatform, is doing things just like Toothy Tile. Now that word’s just beginning to get out that Crotch loves to lure "straight" men back to his Hollywood pad and have them don all sorts of skimpy swimwear (just so CUL can slowly take it right off), Crotchy-poo’s pullin’ an emergency Toothy!

Suddenly, Crotch's rarely seen (female) significant other is out at events more. Suddenly, the S.O.'s mentioned in media interviews. Suddenly, the S.O., who’s more East Coast based, is in Hell-Ay! None of this happened until more than just days prior to last week's baddy Blind, believe me. Oh, and then—quite the opposite—gone missing are Mr. U.L.’s previously very homo-friendly statements to the press. It’s all so Rock Hudson, really. Or Toothy Tile, as I said before. Now, a word to the surreptitious swim fan: T2, even though a surprisingly large amount of folks are buying this ersatz domesticity you're pulling off so well in the tabloids and such, it ain’t gonna work with you, bro. At least, not while you’re having nooky delivered to your house in limos. At least Tooth keeps it somewhat discreet with the BF!

And It Ain't: Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson, Matthew Broderick, Sean "Diddy" Combs

Source: Ted Casablanca's The Awful Truth

August 11, 2008

Dear Ted:
Maybe the new site should be dubbed the Big Banana? You should put a little more fear into Toothy Tile by revealing another Blind Vice. Game?

Dear Dare-Doll:
You bet. But judging from the way Crotch Uh-Lastic is gaining closeted-sex game playing on our beloved Tooth, I dare say it’ll be he who’s uncovered before Tooth — shall we dub him Toothy 2? Let’s!

Source: Ted Casablanca's The Awful Truth

Friday, 8 August 2008

A Man’s Man

An openly gay man playing a prime-time pussy hound and securing major endorsement deals, Neil Patrick Harris is doing just what closeted actors and their minders have called impossible.

Neil Patrick Harris
OUT: How would you say the business has changed for gay actors in the past 20 years?
NPH: It’s all uniquely so personal to each person. I can’t say that the business is any different now than it was then, because I wasn’t 30 years old then and in a position to stand tall and say something. I think the fears that enveloped me then would be the same fears that would envelop people that are 15, 16, 17 now.
OUT: So your advice to a gay actor who is 16 now is no different than it would have been when you were 16?
NPH: Oh, no. Clearly there’s way more exposure and a much larger gray area with sexuality and the public’s opinion towards it -- on almost every level -- professionally, artistically, legally. What made it more unique 20 years ago was that there were less examples -- so that made it a shock. And I think the shock value has kind of worn off.

OUT: But is Hollywood still underestimating the American public’s acceptance level of homosexuality? The stigma still seems to be a reality in that business more than many others.
NPH: People in the business are equally as terrified now -- but I really find it a personal thing. And maybe I’m at the end of that era. I wouldn’t even want to stereotype today’s generation. But the majority of the casting departments are gay, and a lot of the executives are. I think it’s a matter of your abilities and how you carry yourself -- I don’t behave any differently toward you right now than when I am with David [Burtka, his boyfriend] in our apartment, watching American Idol. OK, So You Think You Can Dance. [Laughs] I can see why an agent wouldn’t want to sign on a real overtly effeminate male actor -- not because I have an aversion to them but because agents might know it limits their job opportunities.

OUT: You were hired for the Harold & Kumar movie before you were out of the closet. In the films you play yourself -- a markedly straight and strung-out version of yourself. Did writers know you were gay when they wrote the part for you or when you were filming it?
NPH: No. You know...that just never came up. Honestly. When you’re making a movie everyone is in their own motor home and then they call you in and you do your thing. You don’t really sit down and say “So -- who’re you fucking?” when you’ve only met a week before.
OUT: No, that’s more like a day on my job.
NPH: Yes, you probably do. You’re unique that way. The writers were very kind and accommodating and reverential, which was strange, at 29, 30, whatever -- it was crazy. But it was hilarious. I’m a magician at heart, so smoke and mirrors is great. The idea of smoke and mirrors tends to suggest suppression and the idea that you don’t want people to know about who you really are, but as an actor you kind of do want people to not know who you really are. I think it was nice to have a bit of a smoke screen in a way.

Source: Out Magazine, A Man’s Man By Bill Keith

Sunday, 3 August 2008

Wet Pants

August 1, 2008

Mischief Mavens
Toothy Tile's got some big-box (office) competition with a similarly closeted mega movie star who's awfully kinky by the pool—check it out in Blind Vice Friday! Plus, is Kate Hudson a divorcée in distress? Oh, mama, say it ain't so!

Drowning in Deceit
Crotch Uh-Lastic is the latest T-town lad to loosen his gay inhibitions—as long as he's at home by the pool with a damn-near porn script! Check it out in an all-wet, all-new Blind Vice!

July 31, 2008

One Draw-Strung-Out Blind Vice

Toothy Tile, doll-hon, you’ve met your homo match. ‘Cause there’s a new rising, closeted star in town (actually, he’s been rising for, like, ages now, but, whatev) who’s putting your clandestine, closeted—not to mention kinky!—ways to shame. Maybe you know him? Name’s Crotch Uh-Lastic. Ring a bell, babe? Thought so.

Now, keep in mind, Toothy and Crotch have never made a flick together, though they do both go in for the same roles rather often. Similar brooding thing going on. You know, that tough yet tangible, touchable, almost boyish loveliness, a little crusty on the sides, too. Know the type? Oh who cares about actor oeuvre, let’s get to the dirty part and oozing sex outta control, my little horn-hons!

So Crotch, like a lot of his hetero counterparts in this Biz, is all wrapped up in fantasy. Whereas Toothy likes it dangerous and out in the open—Hollywood parking lots, anybody?—Crotch prefers his assignations played out as if they were the plots of one of his artier flicks (he's had plenty). This is how the boy likes it: He chooses a stud, latest one being a straight—wink, wink, right—trainer who’s busy trying to get a modeling/acting/smoldering-look career going and asks him to come over to the Hollywood pad. Mr. U.-L. has an East Coast home, too, but the pool in his Hollywood hang is so much fun for game playing. The man-meat Crotch has selected is told, beforehand, to await his limo ride to the Hell-Ay house and, once he arrives, to head straight to the pool area, adorned with chaise lounges. On these tastefully tufted settees, like little lost Saks Fifth Avenue summer catalog lovelies, lay various box-cut (never Speedo, how Matthew McConaughey!) swim trunks.

Silently, oh so discreetly, the stud-for-hire is then told to take off all his clothes and put on any of the suits he likes, at which point Crotch struts out and the inevitable seduction, complete with end-of-the-show water works, begin. And Crotch can only get the ol’ equipment up and hosing, I’m told, if said scenario is pursued.

How damn exhausting. Whatever happened to a little sweat, not too much intrigue and even fewer props? Is that so old-fashioned? For Crotch, the answer would be yes.

And it ain't: Tobey Maguire, Topher Grace, Matthew McConaughey

Source: Ted Casablanca's Blind Spot, July 31, 2008