Wednesday, 28 January 2009

Spitting Image

Llamas spit bad-smelling saliva through their teeth when they are angry or annoyed, and also to protect themselves. They are said to have great accuracy in spitting.

The camel, which belongs to the same family as the llama, also possesses this trait. Both camels and llamas have spit on people who tease them in zoos - not a very pleasant experience.

The Guiness Book of Records Watermelon Seed Spit Record shot the seed 68 feet 9 1/8 inches from the starting line. The championship waterment spit record was set in 1989 by Lee Wheelis.

"It’s a gift; you either got it or you don’t."

— Lee Wheelis, world watermelon-seed-spitting champion, Luling, Texas.

Thursday, 22 January 2009

A Gentle Man

Heath Andrew Ledger

A brief candle; both ends burning
An endless mile; a bus wheel turning
A friend to share the lonesome times
A handshake and a sip of wine
So say it loud and let it ring
We are all a part of everything
The future, present and the past
Fly on proud bird
You're free at last.

- Charlie Daniels

Saturday, 17 January 2009

Toothy at the Golden Globes

January 16, 2009

One Fabulous Fagola Run-in Blind Vice!

It was so delicious. Better than Angie getting her gal-flirt on at the Globes. Far better than whatever Mickey Rourke did with all those easy chicks at the after-parties. Call it showdown of the down-low dudes!

(You do know what down-low means, right? Uh, it's when superficially macho guys, often in the black and Latino cultures, but not always, like to screw with guys on the side while they've got the babes out in front.)

So here we go: Like the good little showman he is, Toothy Tile went to the Golden Globes this past weekend. And where was a camera when you needed one 'cause boyfriend ran into Lloyd Boy-Toyed, one of our other closeted Hollywood actors, just not as famous.

Jeez, wanna hear what happened?

They met. For the first time, I do not know, but I'm pretty sure it was. And even though both stars live to get their boy-flirt on, big-time, these guys are nearly a generation apart, so I highly doubt they mingle at the same gay gatherings.

But what's really interesting is how very sad Lloyd acted with Toothy, almost as if he saw before him the chance he'll never have: the possibility to come out of the closet and still have a career. Boy-Toyed never will out himself (although others sure as hell keep trying), not just because of his age, but because of his family, trust me on that one. But Toothy? Everybody knows he could still have it both ways; he's sure young enough. So what did Lloyd and Tooth discuss?

"The awards, the show, politics — it was a total come-on," insists my Toothy/Lloyd interloper. Am I quoting myself here, I wonder, and being very sneaky? Hmm. "It's how Lloyd operates. It's all in the eyes." Yes, that much is true. Very true. I know firsthand.

But let's get the point, already: Did Lloyd and Toothy hook up? Not there, they didn't, although I do believe digital info was exchanged, a dynamic that never would have gone down had T.T.'s standard chick date been around, which she wasn't, at least not then. Where could she have been? Stitching up Kate Beckinsale's dress in the ladies room?

Oh, and Lloyd. You might as well throw that number away. Toothy so is not calling. Sorry. (He's taken, a few times over.)

Source: Ted Casablanca's The Awful Truth

Saturday, 10 January 2009

One Sad Blind Vice

December 19, 2008

One Gag Me With Cocaine Blind Vice

Toothy Tile, we hardly knew ya. Last week it was signed confidentiality agreements with your male paramours (other than your main man); this week it's far, far, far worse: pretend, horrible sex with a member of the opposite sex, in hopes that your studly reputation will somehow be fixed. Ain't gonnna work — here's why:

Repeat Blind Vice offender Toothy has a former fling running her (yes, her) mouth around town about a drug-infested hookup with Mr. Tile. Do tell, babes! Apparently, T.T. banged said blabber to try to prove to himself — or more importantly, the powers that be (managers, publicists, the public) that he isn't gay. See, the more chicks he hooks, the farther back in the closet he goes; just how his handlers want it.

Eh, not really the best plan, as Tooth's last female "lover," if you could call her that, has been yapping away about her evening with the now A-list famous type. But it wasn't exactly candles and cuddles like you'd think.

Try tons of coke. Toothy would make this lady blow lines all over his tight bod until he was “numb,” bitched the gal who did the blowing. [First version: Toothy would make this lady blow lines off his, umm, little Toothy Tile, until he was "numb," bitched the gal who did the blowing.] Then they could get down to business in what we're told were very "interesting" positions, i.e., painfully unnatural and not exactly enjoyable.

As disturbing as this news is, we must say we feel a bit sorry for our beloved Tooth (not to mention the used honey). This all took place, we're told, before Tile hooked up with his current beard, right when he was adamantly told not to come out, so it's no wonder he turned to drugs.

What's next? Meth with Morgan Mayhem? Pray not.

And It Ain't: All 3 Jonas Bros.

Source: Ted Casablanca's The Awful Truth

Thursday, 1 January 2009

2008's Bits and Pieces

January 8, 2008

Dear Ted:
One of my favorite items last year was the rumor Toothy Tile and Grey Goose were hoping to start a fam. This would definitely end up being my favorite Hollywood kiddo — sorry, Jolie-Pitts. So, where does Baby Tile currently sit: on the back burner or in the oven?
Nashville, Tennessee

Dear Offspring Inquirer:
Does the frying pan work for you?

July 25, 2008

See, ol’ Tooth, our fave partner in sex-in-public crime is being just as brazen, only with words, not his crotch. The pretty boy (man, on occasion) is gleefully telling more than a few gossipy girls — which means boys, natch, in highly exaggerated fagola speak, but then, I’m sure you already knew that, hon-cakes — that he’s quite aware the hunt for his identity is on. And has been for sometime. Says he enjoys it, even. Who wouldn’t, really? Especially if you’re dead certain your identity will never be revealed. Yep, that’s right.

T2 says he’s havin’ such a fab gay ol’ experience of it all because he’s “sure,” as it’s been relayed to this columnist, that the true identity of Mr. Tile will never, ever be discussed by yours truly. Oh, really? Is that so?

August 5, 2008

Dear Ted:
Two questions: First, can you confirm any of the old Blind Vices that are already public knowledge? And second, is Sheila Muff-Driver from One Desperate-Diva Blind Vice Faye Dunaway?

Dear Seeing Spots:

August 13, 2008

Dear Ted:
What describes Toothy Tiles's situation better: "Single Tile," "Mr. and Mr. Tile" or "Family Tile"? Please, could you include clues and hints more often about him? What happened to that great idea to dedicate one day a month to only Toothy questions?

Dear Multiple Choice:
Family Tile. Don’t remember committing to one day a month trying to ferret out T.T.’s identity. Still, don’t think that’s enough for my taste.

August 26, 2008

Dear Ted:
Please don't be like Toothy himself when asked a tough question. Just give a simple answer. A yes or no will do. No beating around the bush or skirting the issue. Is there a Baby Tile?
—Tom, Mt. Laurel

Dear Gay Shooter:

September 30, 2008

Dear Ted:
I called in sick today and said I was deficient in my Vitamin T—OK, that was cheesy, but I think I deserve for this question to be printed since I risked my livelihood over it! Have you and Mr. Tile ever done the nasty (prehubby, of course!)? I reread some entries and you two sure seemed a little flirty a couple of years ago. And, who is hotter, Toothy or his BF? Is Mario Lopez his lover?

Dear Bedroom Boinked:
In order: No. Yes. Neither, I like men, not little beautiful boys who still retain a tad of privileged baby fat. No.

October 11, 2008

Dear Ted:
Would you answer the million-dollar question: Is Toothy Tile gay or bisexual? How about Gray Goose? What is the real nature of Toothy's relationship with his beard?

Dear Tricky Tooth:
You mean the one on his face or the one on his publicist’s speed dial? Gay as my vocabulary, darling. Ditto on the real love in Toothy’s life.

December 12, 2008

I remember Toothy back from when he was getting it on in West Hollywood parking lots, for any cop to see. In fact one did see, but, of course, the Tooth got off, thanks to his powerful reps — sheesh, so predictable. But now comes word that Toothy's not only stepping out on the B.F. (unless this was done with his approval, perchance?), but he's doing it smartly, like, every other bigass, closeted dude in town does — contracts to sign, in hand.

December 19, 2008

Repeat Blind Vice offender Toothy has a former fling running her (yes, her) mouth around town about a drug-infested hookup with Mr. Tile. Do tell, babes! Apparently, T.T. banged said blabber to try to prove to himself—or more importantly, the powers that be (managers, publicists, the public) that he isn't gay. See, the more chicks he hooks, the farther back in the closet he goes; just how his handlers want it.