Saturday, 31 May 2008

Dr. Parnassus, Session Five

Feb 20, 2008

Q: Doctor Parnassus, where have you been?
Doctor Parnassus: Oh crumpet, I’ve been toiling in the vineyards of the bored. I was about to take a bath. You’ve caught me nudo rigido.
Q: Excusi! Doc, I know our sessions are meant to be about Jake, but I can’t seem to forget Heath.
Doctor Parnassus: Ah, the Romeo and Juliet of our time. Earth and air, yin and yang, 6 and 9. Despite their uncoupling by Mr Gyllenhaal, the cosmic duality endures, my sad friend. Each exists most fully in relationship to the other, revealing psychological context through patterns generated by their perpetual interplay. We must accept the paradox: opposite things can be simultaneously true.
Q: They are opposites?
Doctor Parnassus: As an expert in metaphysico-theologico-cosmolonigology, I can authoritatively say, chalk and cheese, my dumpling.
Q: Is this why Jake has abandoned Heath?
Doctor Parnassus: Sweet pea, don’t be bitter. It takes loose reins to keep love tight! Cold is hot. Silence speaks.
Q: We’ve been over this ground many times before. William Shakespeare wrote, they do not love that do not show their love.
Doctor Parnassus: Well-quoted, little cabbage. But as genius actor Mr Danny Day-Lewis said about Mr Ledger (and it takes one to know one), “we wanted to follow him and yet we were afraid to follow him. He was perfect.” Argumentum ad Populum. My darling bachelor neighbor, Georgie Clooney, eloquently explained the stature of Mr Day-Lewis: "all actors bow to this f**ker." Ergo, with Mr Ledger placed in the pantheon by the Zeus thespian himself — well, who dare speak after God has spoken? Mr Ledger left his actorian fellows in awe of his virtuosity. Mr Gyllenhaal, bless his heart, left his fellows in lust. Dilemma of position.
Q: There’s no evidence that Jake even liked Heath.
Doctor Parnassus: As I said before, and I never repeat myself, you don’t see the air, yet we still breathe. Man is not an aquatic animal, yet we still swim. Of course, all generalizations are false.
Q: Doc, it’s hard to believe what you say has any basis in reality.
Doctor Parnassus: Darling infidel! Primo, reality is vastly overrated. Secondo, what we gain by truth is not worth that we lose in illusion. Terzo, if you wanted veracity, sugarbritches, you wouldn’t be here with me.
Q: Can we just talk about sex?
Doctor Parnassus: My clinical speculatum! I practice a lot on my own. The brain is really my second favorite organ. You know, the Archimedes’ principle supports the theory that a man immersed in the liquid of male love experiences an upward thrust equal to the weight of women he displaces.
Q: Must we be cryptic? You’re saying gay love can boost a career?
Doctor Parnassus: Mr Gyllenhaal once had a large gay following, but Jake ducked into a Roman alleyway and lost him.
Q: Now really —
Doctor Parnassus: Mr Moto says, man with hand in pocket feel cocky all day!
Q: Jake needs to be more…cocky?
Doctor Parnassus: Well, he chased a girl for two years only to discover that her tastes were exactly like his: they were both mad about boys.
Q: Who isn't?
Doctor Parnassus: When heterosexuals warn you of the sinfulness of sex, there is an important lesson to be learned! Do not have sex with heterosexuals.
Q: Good night, Doctor P.
Doctor Parnassus: Sex is better than logic, but I can't prove it.

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