August 8, 2008
Blind Vice Friday! Closeted Stars Are Dummies!
This is just great. Not only is Crotch Uh-Lastic, whom you all met last week—-and whom I could have sworn it would be at least a few weeks before we all said hullo to again—really does have his brains stuffed deep inside his paramours’ overly tight swimsuits. See, the big-screen idol, whose pics make all kinds of bucks because their themes are all so brilliantly multiplatform, is doing things just like Toothy Tile. Now that word’s just beginning to get out that Crotch loves to lure "straight" men back to his Hollywood pad and have them don all sorts of skimpy swimwear (just so CUL can slowly take it right off), Crotchy-poo’s pullin’ an emergency Toothy!
Suddenly, Crotch's rarely seen (female) significant other is out at events more. Suddenly, the S.O.'s mentioned in media interviews. Suddenly, the S.O., who’s more East Coast based, is in Hell-Ay! None of this happened until more than just days prior to last week's baddy Blind, believe me. Oh, and then—quite the opposite—gone missing are Mr. U.L.’s previously very homo-friendly statements to the press. It’s all so Rock Hudson, really. Or Toothy Tile, as I said before. Now, a word to the surreptitious swim fan: T2, even though a surprisingly large amount of folks are buying this ersatz domesticity you're pulling off so well in the tabloids and such, it ain’t gonna work with you, bro. At least, not while you’re having nooky delivered to your house in limos. At least Tooth keeps it somewhat discreet with the BF!
And It Ain't: Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson, Matthew Broderick, Sean "Diddy" Combs
Source: Ted Casablanca's The Awful Truth
***
August 11, 2008
Dear Ted:
Maybe the new site should be dubbed the Big Banana? You should put a little more fear into Toothy Tile by revealing another Blind Vice. Game?
Lori
Dear Dare-Doll:
You bet. But judging from the way Crotch Uh-Lastic is gaining closeted-sex game playing on our beloved Tooth, I dare say it’ll be he who’s uncovered before Tooth — shall we dub him Toothy 2? Let’s!
Source: Ted Casablanca's The Awful Truth
Tuesday, 12 August 2008
Friday, 8 August 2008
A Man’s Man
An openly gay man playing a prime-time pussy hound and securing major endorsement deals, Neil Patrick Harris is doing just what closeted actors and their minders have called impossible.
OUT: How would you say the business has changed for gay actors in the past 20 years?
NPH: It’s all uniquely so personal to each person. I can’t say that the business is any different now than it was then, because I wasn’t 30 years old then and in a position to stand tall and say something. I think the fears that enveloped me then would be the same fears that would envelop people that are 15, 16, 17 now.
OUT: So your advice to a gay actor who is 16 now is no different than it would have been when you were 16?
NPH: Oh, no. Clearly there’s way more exposure and a much larger gray area with sexuality and the public’s opinion towards it -- on almost every level -- professionally, artistically, legally. What made it more unique 20 years ago was that there were less examples -- so that made it a shock. And I think the shock value has kind of worn off.
OUT: But is Hollywood still underestimating the American public’s acceptance level of homosexuality? The stigma still seems to be a reality in that business more than many others.
NPH: People in the business are equally as terrified now -- but I really find it a personal thing. And maybe I’m at the end of that era. I wouldn’t even want to stereotype today’s generation. But the majority of the casting departments are gay, and a lot of the executives are. I think it’s a matter of your abilities and how you carry yourself -- I don’t behave any differently toward you right now than when I am with David [Burtka, his boyfriend] in our apartment, watching American Idol. OK, So You Think You Can Dance. [Laughs] I can see why an agent wouldn’t want to sign on a real overtly effeminate male actor -- not because I have an aversion to them but because agents might know it limits their job opportunities.
OUT: You were hired for the Harold & Kumar movie before you were out of the closet. In the films you play yourself -- a markedly straight and strung-out version of yourself. Did writers know you were gay when they wrote the part for you or when you were filming it?
NPH: No. You know...that just never came up. Honestly. When you’re making a movie everyone is in their own motor home and then they call you in and you do your thing. You don’t really sit down and say “So -- who’re you fucking?” when you’ve only met a week before.
OUT: No, that’s more like a day on my job.
NPH: Yes, you probably do. You’re unique that way. The writers were very kind and accommodating and reverential, which was strange, at 29, 30, whatever -- it was crazy. But it was hilarious. I’m a magician at heart, so smoke and mirrors is great. The idea of smoke and mirrors tends to suggest suppression and the idea that you don’t want people to know about who you really are, but as an actor you kind of do want people to not know who you really are. I think it was nice to have a bit of a smoke screen in a way.
Source: Out Magazine, A Man’s Man By Bill Keith
OUT: How would you say the business has changed for gay actors in the past 20 years?
NPH: It’s all uniquely so personal to each person. I can’t say that the business is any different now than it was then, because I wasn’t 30 years old then and in a position to stand tall and say something. I think the fears that enveloped me then would be the same fears that would envelop people that are 15, 16, 17 now.
OUT: So your advice to a gay actor who is 16 now is no different than it would have been when you were 16?
NPH: Oh, no. Clearly there’s way more exposure and a much larger gray area with sexuality and the public’s opinion towards it -- on almost every level -- professionally, artistically, legally. What made it more unique 20 years ago was that there were less examples -- so that made it a shock. And I think the shock value has kind of worn off.
OUT: But is Hollywood still underestimating the American public’s acceptance level of homosexuality? The stigma still seems to be a reality in that business more than many others.
NPH: People in the business are equally as terrified now -- but I really find it a personal thing. And maybe I’m at the end of that era. I wouldn’t even want to stereotype today’s generation. But the majority of the casting departments are gay, and a lot of the executives are. I think it’s a matter of your abilities and how you carry yourself -- I don’t behave any differently toward you right now than when I am with David [Burtka, his boyfriend] in our apartment, watching American Idol. OK, So You Think You Can Dance. [Laughs] I can see why an agent wouldn’t want to sign on a real overtly effeminate male actor -- not because I have an aversion to them but because agents might know it limits their job opportunities.
OUT: You were hired for the Harold & Kumar movie before you were out of the closet. In the films you play yourself -- a markedly straight and strung-out version of yourself. Did writers know you were gay when they wrote the part for you or when you were filming it?
NPH: No. You know...that just never came up. Honestly. When you’re making a movie everyone is in their own motor home and then they call you in and you do your thing. You don’t really sit down and say “So -- who’re you fucking?” when you’ve only met a week before.
OUT: No, that’s more like a day on my job.
NPH: Yes, you probably do. You’re unique that way. The writers were very kind and accommodating and reverential, which was strange, at 29, 30, whatever -- it was crazy. But it was hilarious. I’m a magician at heart, so smoke and mirrors is great. The idea of smoke and mirrors tends to suggest suppression and the idea that you don’t want people to know about who you really are, but as an actor you kind of do want people to not know who you really are. I think it was nice to have a bit of a smoke screen in a way.
Source: Out Magazine, A Man’s Man By Bill Keith
Sunday, 3 August 2008
Wet Pants
August 1, 2008
Mischief Mavens
Toothy Tile's got some big-box (office) competition with a similarly closeted mega movie star who's awfully kinky by the pool—check it out in Blind Vice Friday! Plus, is Kate Hudson a divorcée in distress? Oh, mama, say it ain't so!
Drowning in Deceit
Crotch Uh-Lastic is the latest T-town lad to loosen his gay inhibitions—as long as he's at home by the pool with a damn-near porn script! Check it out in an all-wet, all-new Blind Vice!
July 31, 2008
One Draw-Strung-Out Blind Vice
Toothy Tile, doll-hon, you’ve met your homo match. ‘Cause there’s a new rising, closeted star in town (actually, he’s been rising for, like, ages now, but, whatev) who’s putting your clandestine, closeted—not to mention kinky!—ways to shame. Maybe you know him? Name’s Crotch Uh-Lastic. Ring a bell, babe? Thought so.
Now, keep in mind, Toothy and Crotch have never made a flick together, though they do both go in for the same roles rather often. Similar brooding thing going on. You know, that tough yet tangible, touchable, almost boyish loveliness, a little crusty on the sides, too. Know the type? Oh who cares about actor oeuvre, let’s get to the dirty part and oozing sex outta control, my little horn-hons!
So Crotch, like a lot of his hetero counterparts in this Biz, is all wrapped up in fantasy. Whereas Toothy likes it dangerous and out in the open—Hollywood parking lots, anybody?—Crotch prefers his assignations played out as if they were the plots of one of his artier flicks (he's had plenty). This is how the boy likes it: He chooses a stud, latest one being a straight—wink, wink, right—trainer who’s busy trying to get a modeling/acting/smoldering-look career going and asks him to come over to the Hollywood pad. Mr. U.-L. has an East Coast home, too, but the pool in his Hollywood hang is so much fun for game playing. The man-meat Crotch has selected is told, beforehand, to await his limo ride to the Hell-Ay house and, once he arrives, to head straight to the pool area, adorned with chaise lounges. On these tastefully tufted settees, like little lost Saks Fifth Avenue summer catalog lovelies, lay various box-cut (never Speedo, how Matthew McConaughey!) swim trunks.
Silently, oh so discreetly, the stud-for-hire is then told to take off all his clothes and put on any of the suits he likes, at which point Crotch struts out and the inevitable seduction, complete with end-of-the-show water works, begin. And Crotch can only get the ol’ equipment up and hosing, I’m told, if said scenario is pursued.
How damn exhausting. Whatever happened to a little sweat, not too much intrigue and even fewer props? Is that so old-fashioned? For Crotch, the answer would be yes.
And it ain't: Tobey Maguire, Topher Grace, Matthew McConaughey
Source: Ted Casablanca's Blind Spot, July 31, 2008
Mischief Mavens
Toothy Tile's got some big-box (office) competition with a similarly closeted mega movie star who's awfully kinky by the pool—check it out in Blind Vice Friday! Plus, is Kate Hudson a divorcée in distress? Oh, mama, say it ain't so!
Drowning in Deceit
Crotch Uh-Lastic is the latest T-town lad to loosen his gay inhibitions—as long as he's at home by the pool with a damn-near porn script! Check it out in an all-wet, all-new Blind Vice!
July 31, 2008
One Draw-Strung-Out Blind Vice
Toothy Tile, doll-hon, you’ve met your homo match. ‘Cause there’s a new rising, closeted star in town (actually, he’s been rising for, like, ages now, but, whatev) who’s putting your clandestine, closeted—not to mention kinky!—ways to shame. Maybe you know him? Name’s Crotch Uh-Lastic. Ring a bell, babe? Thought so.
Now, keep in mind, Toothy and Crotch have never made a flick together, though they do both go in for the same roles rather often. Similar brooding thing going on. You know, that tough yet tangible, touchable, almost boyish loveliness, a little crusty on the sides, too. Know the type? Oh who cares about actor oeuvre, let’s get to the dirty part and oozing sex outta control, my little horn-hons!
So Crotch, like a lot of his hetero counterparts in this Biz, is all wrapped up in fantasy. Whereas Toothy likes it dangerous and out in the open—Hollywood parking lots, anybody?—Crotch prefers his assignations played out as if they were the plots of one of his artier flicks (he's had plenty). This is how the boy likes it: He chooses a stud, latest one being a straight—wink, wink, right—trainer who’s busy trying to get a modeling/acting/smoldering-look career going and asks him to come over to the Hollywood pad. Mr. U.-L. has an East Coast home, too, but the pool in his Hollywood hang is so much fun for game playing. The man-meat Crotch has selected is told, beforehand, to await his limo ride to the Hell-Ay house and, once he arrives, to head straight to the pool area, adorned with chaise lounges. On these tastefully tufted settees, like little lost Saks Fifth Avenue summer catalog lovelies, lay various box-cut (never Speedo, how Matthew McConaughey!) swim trunks.
Silently, oh so discreetly, the stud-for-hire is then told to take off all his clothes and put on any of the suits he likes, at which point Crotch struts out and the inevitable seduction, complete with end-of-the-show water works, begin. And Crotch can only get the ol’ equipment up and hosing, I’m told, if said scenario is pursued.
How damn exhausting. Whatever happened to a little sweat, not too much intrigue and even fewer props? Is that so old-fashioned? For Crotch, the answer would be yes.
And it ain't: Tobey Maguire, Topher Grace, Matthew McConaughey
Source: Ted Casablanca's Blind Spot, July 31, 2008
Tuesday, 29 July 2008
V2
Dear Ted:
Is Toothy Tile Vince Vaughn, and is Pickled Fickle from One Rent-a-Wreck Blind Vice Heather Locklear?
Gretas
Seattle
Dear Sexuality Crasher:
The real T2’s simply horrified you suggested Vaughn, horrified! See, Toothy’s rather svelte, and Pickled Fickle’s a man, dear. Give H.L. a little more credit.
Dear Ted:
Is it still true that the person featured in your Blind Vice is still named in your column the day the B.V. appears? Or since your column went daily, does the individual only appear sometime during the week when the B.V. is about to run?
Janie
Chicago
Dear Sneaking Around:
Darling, this is a gossip column, not Scientific American. We give clues all over the place, but it’s sort like sex — when we feel like it. And yes, often that's by mentioning the culprit elsewhere.
Source: Ted Casablanca's The Awful Truth
***
P.S.
A true Toothy fan sent me a file containing all Toothy Tile blind items and Dear Ted letters. I’ll try to keep it updated:
Toothy Tile Archive
***
July 31, 2008
Quakes, Queers 'n' Sneers!
Teddy C.'s house shakes as much as Christian Bale's rep these days! Plus, Tori dishes domesticity, not to mention 90210, and Toothy Tile has some majorly smokin' competition coming up, can't wait!
Dangerous Doings
Elsewhere, not only am I being chastised for saying I don’t buy Lance Armstrong’s new aw-shucks-I’m-just-an-American benevolence reinvention (this man’s a player like nobody’s biz, just ask freshly ejected Kate Hudson if you don't believe), Toothy Tile’s handlers ain’t too happy with me either, not to mention camp Tom Cruise, girlfriends. Sure, there are more than a few behind-the-scenes T-town wizards who would be more than happy to see my glass house shatter and crumble deep into a ravine...me, head first, along with it.
Read Herring?
Oh, before we get to such scintillating bits ‘n’ boobiness—means Tori Spelling’s on the way, trust—must tell you all that I dare say Toothy Tile must be paying a very well known, blockbuster-starring actor to homo-outdo his gay ways. Hate to be a tease ‘n’ all (that’s a damn lie), but you’ll just have to wait until Friday’s Blind Vice to find out the deets, hon-childs. I mean, maybe that nasty fag bitch Christopher Ciccone really has let loose something in the celeb air right now, what with his sibling-stabbing memoirs and the hilarious Cristina Crawford-esque interviews he’s pulling ‘round town. ‘Cause Toothy’s new matinee rival is pulling really over-the-top, stereotypical Rock Hudson retro sex shenanigans. Delish, can’t wait to tell you all!
Source: Ted Casablanca's The Awful Truth
Is Toothy Tile Vince Vaughn, and is Pickled Fickle from One Rent-a-Wreck Blind Vice Heather Locklear?
Gretas
Seattle
Dear Sexuality Crasher:
The real T2’s simply horrified you suggested Vaughn, horrified! See, Toothy’s rather svelte, and Pickled Fickle’s a man, dear. Give H.L. a little more credit.
Dear Ted:
Is it still true that the person featured in your Blind Vice is still named in your column the day the B.V. appears? Or since your column went daily, does the individual only appear sometime during the week when the B.V. is about to run?
Janie
Chicago
Dear Sneaking Around:
Darling, this is a gossip column, not Scientific American. We give clues all over the place, but it’s sort like sex — when we feel like it. And yes, often that's by mentioning the culprit elsewhere.
Source: Ted Casablanca's The Awful Truth
***
P.S.
A true Toothy fan sent me a file containing all Toothy Tile blind items and Dear Ted letters. I’ll try to keep it updated:
Toothy Tile Archive
***
July 31, 2008
Quakes, Queers 'n' Sneers!
Teddy C.'s house shakes as much as Christian Bale's rep these days! Plus, Tori dishes domesticity, not to mention 90210, and Toothy Tile has some majorly smokin' competition coming up, can't wait!
Dangerous Doings
Elsewhere, not only am I being chastised for saying I don’t buy Lance Armstrong’s new aw-shucks-I’m-just-an-American benevolence reinvention (this man’s a player like nobody’s biz, just ask freshly ejected Kate Hudson if you don't believe), Toothy Tile’s handlers ain’t too happy with me either, not to mention camp Tom Cruise, girlfriends. Sure, there are more than a few behind-the-scenes T-town wizards who would be more than happy to see my glass house shatter and crumble deep into a ravine...me, head first, along with it.
Read Herring?
Oh, before we get to such scintillating bits ‘n’ boobiness—means Tori Spelling’s on the way, trust—must tell you all that I dare say Toothy Tile must be paying a very well known, blockbuster-starring actor to homo-outdo his gay ways. Hate to be a tease ‘n’ all (that’s a damn lie), but you’ll just have to wait until Friday’s Blind Vice to find out the deets, hon-childs. I mean, maybe that nasty fag bitch Christopher Ciccone really has let loose something in the celeb air right now, what with his sibling-stabbing memoirs and the hilarious Cristina Crawford-esque interviews he’s pulling ‘round town. ‘Cause Toothy’s new matinee rival is pulling really over-the-top, stereotypical Rock Hudson retro sex shenanigans. Delish, can’t wait to tell you all!
Source: Ted Casablanca's The Awful Truth
Friday, 25 July 2008
Gayer Than Ever
Back and Ballsier Than Ever
Our beloved mystery closet job, Toothy Tile, is back, dancing the out-me dance yet again in Blind Vice Friday.
Blind Vice, Don't Tempt Me:
Toothy Tile makes it perfectly clear he's 100 percent certain this very column will never reveal his identity. Hmmm. That one is so funny, Toothy. Reminds me I forgot to tell you all that once my divorce comes through, I'll be engaged to the remaining unmarried Bush daughter!
One Fruit-of-the-Doom Blind Vice
OK, was going to do the Blind Vice story on the Academy Award-friendly actress who thinks her cats can read, which is why she has their names written on their separate litter boxes, but that tale simply pales in comparison to Toothy Tile, who’s back and gayer than, like, ever! Dude’s losin’ his recent, overly prissy, shy shit and gettin’ his non-Nellie nerve back on (much to everyone’s surprise, just not mine).
See, ol’ Tooth, our fave partner in sex-in-public crime is being just as brazen, only with words, not his crotch. The pretty boy (man, on occasion) is gleefully telling more than a few gossipy girls—which means boys, natch, in highly exaggerated fagola speak, but then, I’m sure you already knew that, hon-cakes—that he’s quite aware the hunt for his identity is on. And has been for sometime. Says he enjoys it, even. Who wouldn’t, really? Especially if you’re dead certain your identity will never be revealed. Yep, that’s right.
T2 says he’s havin’ such a fab gay ol’ experience of it all because he’s “sure,” as it’s been relayed to this columnist, that the true identity of Mr. Tile will never, ever be discussed by yours truly. Oh, really? Is that so?
Just don’t count on it, bud. What with the myriad lies to the public (I mean, really, you’re as bad about your true sexual persuasion as Cathy Douglas is with her age), you're on thin vice, babe, so watch it.
And it ain't: Matthew Broderick, Ricky Martin, Wentworth Miller
Source: Ted Casablanca's Blind Spot, July 24, 2008
Tuesday, 22 July 2008
Gossip Boys 2
Dear Ted:
Does what you're doing while taping Truth, Lies & Ted have anything to do with the story you're delivering at the time? Case in point: holding a big honkin' rolling pin and telling Jake Gyllenhaal "way to go, you dude shafter."
Cathy
Dickinson, Texas
Dear Coinky-dink:
How funny! No idea I was doing that!
Source: Ted Casablanca's The Awful Truth and Truth, Lies & Ted video - July 10, 2008
Friday, 18 July 2008
The Dark Knight
As was, perhaps, always inevitable, The Dark Knight is Ledger’s movie. It is a towering performance. From his menacing, pencil-packing greeting to Gotham’s Mob fraternity, to the threat and fire he conjures in exchanges with Maggie Gyllenhaal’s sexy, sophisticated brief and “The Bat-maaan”, to the Sophie’s choice surprises of the third act, he is pure, powerful, immense.
A force of fucking nature.
Mark Dinning, Empire
Source: The Dark Knight Movie Review and Trailers
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
