"I hate that term 'in the closet,'" says Ellen DeGeneres, the aforementioned sitcom star whose all-pants wardrobe and sometimes awkward chemistry with male ingenues was provoking curiosity from fans and reporters long before her sexuality became a minor national obsession. "Until recently I hated the word lesbian too," she continues. "I've said it enough now that it doesn't bother me. But lesbian sounded like somebody with some kind of disease. I didn't like that, so I used the word gay more often."
What she hasn't been able to bring herself to do, until now, is use the word gay along with "I am" in public. Indeed, for a lot of men and women whose livelihood depends on the goodwill of millions, those may be the three scariest words in the English language.
* * *
Dear Ted:
You are always looking for someone to replace Toothy. Well it ain't gonna happen. Toothy is the one we love and the one who makes our hearts beat fast. Get it up, dude.
Tom
Mt. Laurel, N.J.
Dear Confused:
No thanks, but Tooth might be interested in your “get it up” invite, as long as you’re making the request in the dark corner of a West Hollywood parking lot.
Source: Ted Casablanca's The Awful Truth
