Stephen Fry: Dearest absurd child

Just who was the young, arrogant and confused man to whom Stephen Fry recently felt compelled to write a long and heartfelt letter? Himself, 35 years ago.

Oh, lord love you, Stephen. How I admire your arrogance and rage and misery. How pure and righteous they are and how passionately storm-drenched was your adolescence. How filled with true feeling, fury, despair, joy, anxiety, shame, pride and above all, supremely above all, how overpowered it was by love. My eyes fill with tears just to think of you. Of me. Tears splash on to my keyboard now. I am perhaps happier now than I have ever been and yet I cannot but recognise that I would trade all that I am to be you, the eternally unhappy, nervous, wild, wondering and despairing 16-year-old Stephen: angry, angst-ridden and awkward but alive. Because you know how to feel, and knowing how to feel is more important than how you feel. Deadness of soul is the only unpardonable crime, and if there is one thing happiness can do it is mask deadness of soul.

I finally know now, as I easily knew then, that the most important thing is love. It doesn't matter in the slightest whether that love is for someone of your own sex or not. Gay issues are important and I shall come to them in a moment, but they shrivel like a salted snail when compared to the towering question of love. Gay people sometimes believe (to this very day, would you credit it, young Stephen?) that the preponderance of obstacles and terrors they encounter in their lives and relationships is intimately connected with the fact of their being gay. As it happens at least 90% of their problems are to do with love and love alone: the lack of it, the denial of it, the inequality of it, the missed reciprocity in it, the horrors and heartaches of it. Love cold, love hot, love fresh, love stale, love scorned, love missed, love denied, love betrayed ... the great joke of sexuality is that these problems bedevil straight people just as much as gay. The 10% of extra suffering and complexity that uniquely confronts the gay person is certainly not incidental or trifling, but it must be understood that love comes first. This is tough for straight people to work out.

Straight people are encouraged by culture and society to believe that their sexual impulses are the norm, and therefore when their affairs of the heart and loins go wrong (as they certainly will), when they are flummoxed, distraught and defeated by love, they are forced to believe that it must be their fault. We gay people at least have the advantage of being brought up to expect the world of love to be imponderably and unmanageably difficult, for we are perverted freaks and sick aberrations of nature. They - poor normal lambs - naturally find it harder to understand why, in Lysander's words, "the course of true love never did run smooth".

You would little believe that I can say to you now across the gap of 35 years that we are the blessed ones. The people of Britain are happy (or not) because of Tolpuddle Martyrs, Chartists, infantry regiments, any number of ancestors who made the world more comfortable for them. And we, gay people, are happy now (or not) in large part thanks to Stonewall rioters, Harvey Milk, Dennis Lemon, Gay News, Ian McKellen, Edwina Currie (true) et al, and the battered bodies of bullied, beaten and abused gay men and women who stood up to be counted and refused to apologise for the way they were. It has given us something we never thought to have: pride. For a thousand years, shame was our lot and now, turning on a sixpence, we have arrived at pride - without even, it seems, an intervening period of well-it's-OK-I-suppose-wouldn't-have-chosen-it-but-there-you-go. Who'da thought it?

But don't kid yourself. For millions of teenagers around Britain and everywhere else, it is still 1973. Taunts, beatings and punishment await gay people the world over in playgrounds and execution grounds (the distance between which is measured by nothing more than political constitutions and human will). Yes, you will grow to be a very, very, very, very lucky man who is able to express his nature out loud without fear of hatred or reprisal from any except the most deluded, demented and sad. But that is a small battle won. A whole theatre of war remains. This theatre of war is bigger than the simple issue of being gay, just as the question of love swamps the question of mere sexuality. For alongside sexual politics the entire achievement of the enlightenment (which led inter alia to gay liberation) is under threat like never before. The cruel, hypocritical and loveless hand of religion and absolutism has fallen on the world once more.

So my message from the future is twofold. Fear not, young Stephen, your life will unfold in richer, more accepted and happier ways than you ever dared hope. But be wary, for the most basic tenets of rationalism, openness and freedom that nourish you now and seem so unassailable are about to be harried and besieged by malevolent, mad and medieval minds.

You poor dear, dear thing. Look at you weltering in your misery. The extraordinary truth is that you want to stay there. Unlike so many of the young, you do not yearn for adulthood, pubs and car keys. You want to stay where you are, in the Republic of Pubescence, where feeling has primacy and pain is beautiful. And you know what ... ?

I think you are right.

Source: Stephen Fry's letter to himself: Dearest absurd child
Official website: The New Adventures of Mr Stephen Fry
Wikipedia: Stephen Fry

To Out or Not To Out?

Did you hear the one about the upcoming summer blockbuster heartthrob who has a clause in his deal that allows the studio to dump him if he comes out? Or how about the one about the world-famous singer who celebrates his concerts with all-boy after parties? Everywhere you look, there's a new "Is he or isn't he" rumor. This week, British singer Marilyn admitted to a five year-love affair with Gwen Stefani's hubbie, Gavin Rossdale. A new documentary promises to prove once and for all that Florida Governor Charlie Christ is gay. And heck, Hugh Jackman just loves the gay rumors. But is it "coming out" when you're dragged kicking and screaming out of the closet?

Here's a real story, with the details removed for privacy. A few years back, while casting a tent pole action blockbuster, the studio in charge discovered that it's lead was a big 'mo. They went to him and said essentially, "Look, we need to know you aren't going to come out. We can get you dates with a girl for public appearances, but you can not possibly come out." He refused and was dropped from the project like a hot potato.

Why haven't you heard this story? Because the actor in question wanted a career. It's easy to think of the Hollywood closet as some relic of the past, but it's alive and kicking. Gays and lesbians who come out, do it at enormous professional risks and unlike many other industries, there is no such thing as "employment nondiscrimination" in Tinseltown, whose very existence is about being discriminating.

So, when a celebrity chooses his career over his sexuality, do we blame them? For the most part, it seems we take each outing as a 'victory'. "Aha! I knew you were gay!" we shout and feel vindicated, but let's put it this way – How many of you have gone out and bought a Clay Aiken album since he came out of the closet?

Bruce Vilanch, a constant source of wisdom told me once that we should ask ourselves why we would want to include somebody who doesn't want to be a part of our group? He has a point. Shouldn't we want willing allies? Certainly, of you go out to a gay club or walk hand in had with your boyfriend in the park, you're opening the door to talking about it. After all, we don't want to encourage any more celebrities to do the "Yup, I'm Gay" story in People (which always makes the celeb in question seem like they think we should throw them a fucking parade), but how different is it when we tell a celebrity, "Oh my god, you're totally gay!" from the annoying guy in high school who taunted us with the same remark?

So, tell us – do celebs deserve to be yanked out of the closet or is it a personal decision? Do you have any personal ethics of outing people in your own life?

Source: Are Gay Affairs Awesome or Awful?

Photo: Hollywood's Silent Closet

10 Reasons a Bike is Better than a Boyfriend

Jake Gyllenhaal and Austin Nichols
April 13, 2009

The top ten reasons a bike is better than a boyfriend:

10. He always follows your directions.

9. He doesn’t care if you ride more than one bike.

8. You can always add performance-enhanced upgrades.

7. He doesn’t complain about being tired if you want him to go faster.

6. It’s a good thing if he’s full of gas.

5. He naturally vibrates without extra accessories.

4. He only whines if something is actually wrong.

3. He can take you from zero to "Oh, my God! Oh my God!" in 3.4 seconds.

2. He doesn’t worry if his engine isn’t the biggest you’ve ever ridden.

1. You’re guaranteed to get off at least once at the end of every ride!

More photos: IHJ

Heath's Birthday

I remember a conversation with Robert Richardson, the Director of Photography on "Four Feathers": "Just make sure that the audience are able to look into Heath's eyes. They tell a story of ancient wisdom and all of humanity." Not an easy job for a DP when Heath would so easily break into an Australian crinkle and narrow his eyes, so that the point of light so carefully placed by the DP would search desperately for its subject! I used to tell Heath that he was an ancient soul in a youthful body and mind. That his struggle was between the ancient wisdom he carried in his soul and coming to terms with his youth.

That struggle showed and I - the 'brother from another mother' as he called me - embraced him at those moments.

I wish I was there to embrace him when he passed away. I was so close. But then, it was not meant to be.

Shekhar Kapur

Source: A friend remembers Heath Ledger on the one-year anniversary of his death, New York Daily News

Gay Cowboys

A 33-year-old rancher, Mr. Glover comes from a family that has worked the land around Lusk for generations. His father still runs 300 head of cattle.

Seated at a table in the smoky Outpost Cafe alongside Highway 85, Mr. Glover laid out the story of a typical ranch-country boyhood: herding, branding, culling and haying, horses hobbled on picket lines and calves pulled forcibly from their mother's bodies during spring calving. Every summer Mr. Glover sets out with his brother in a panel truck carrying their two quarter horses, to compete in calf and steer roping competitions. "I never had any intention of leaving the cowboy lifestyle," Mr. Glover said. "Ranching is who I am."

Yet next month Mr. Glover will quit Lusk and that part of himself in order to move to the bright lights of Lander, Wyo. (population 6,864). "I don't really want to do it," Mr. Glover said. Yet he has to, he explained, if he ever wants to live his life openly. Like Jack Twist, the rodeo-loving character portrayed by Jake Gyllenhaal in "Brokeback Mountain", Derrick Glover is gay.

"They always define it as coming out of the closet, but I don't consider myself to be out of the closet," Mr. Glover explained. There is a reason for that, he said. "Where I live, you can't really go out and be yourself. You couldn't go out together, two guys, as a couple and ever be accepted. It wasn't accepted in the past, it's still not, and I don't think it ever will be." That he and some of the others interviewed for this article were willing to be named and photographed was not without social and even physical risk.
***

When Mr. Ledger's character defiantly asserts, "I ain't queer," following a drunken coupling with Mr. Gyllenhaal's character in their sheepherder's tent, it seems clear that as much as he fears the loss of his cowboy machismo, he is equally scared to relinquish his physical safety once the two come down from Brokeback Mountain.

"I grew up with that same kind of fear and conflict," Ben Clark, a fourth- generation rancher from Jackson said on Tuesday. "Growing up, I never even dreamed that a real cowboy would be gay," Mr. Clark added. It is a belief in which he is not alone.

"I awakened to my same-sex attraction when I was 12," said Mr. Clark, who is now 42. "But I had no idea what to do about it, ever. I was raised in a ranching, rodeo world - wrangling, packing horses, riding bucking stock, working in hunting camps - but always with the sense that I had to conceal who I was because cowboys could never be gay."

The experience was "extremely, extremely lonely," Mr. Clark said, leaving him feeling so isolated that he more than once contemplated suicide. "I could not accept being gay because of the stereotypes that were drilled into me," he explained. "Gay men are emotionally weak. They are not real men. They are like women."

Like Ennis Del Mar and Jack Twist in the film, Mr. Clark dated women for a time, bowing to the pressure to be "normal" although, unlike them, he never married and led a double life. There's a joke out here about how one goes about finding a gay man on the frontier. The punch line is deadpan: "Look for the wife and kids."

Fortunately, Mr. Clark said, "I never did get married, because I never wanted to hurt a woman like that."

"When I was in my 20's, I worked in a hunting camp for three years as a wrangler," Mr. Clark said. "I heard the jokes, but I kept my feelings inside. One of the hunters asked me, 'Have you been married before?' I told him no. And he gave me a look and said, 'Most of the guys who aren't married by now are getting involved with being hairdressers.'"
***

"I know there are a lot of gay guys in Cheyenne, and it's pretty much accepted, in a way," said Julie Tottingham, the manager of Corral West Ranchwear in Cheyenne, the city's largest purveyor of boot-cut Wranglers, ostrich-skin Tony Lamas and broad-brim buffalo-felt Stetsons. "But at the same time, a lot of our customers would be offended if a gay guy was in here shopping," Ms. Tottingham said. "They'd feel it's an insult to the cowboy way of life."

Among the locals who got an opportunity to see "Brokeback Mountain" at the screening in Jackson was Jade Beus, an openly gay former cowboy raised on a sheep ranch in Soda Springs, Idaho. "I had more or less that same experience," said Mr. Beus, referring to the characters' struggles. "Trying to find self-acceptance literally took me to a place where I thought I was such a bad person I once put a pistol to the roof of my mouth."

Mr. Beus, who now owns a heating and plumbing contracting company, is not certain what it was that prevented him from taking his own life. "But something clicked over," he said. "I believe greatly in a higher power and I realized He dealt me this particular hand," Mr. Beus said. "I'm a man's man. I'm not feminine at all. Other people might slander me for who I am, but I made a decision a long time ago that I'm not going through life hating myself because I love men."

Source: Cowboys, Just Like in the Movie, The New York Times,
December 18, 2005

12 Reasons It's Better to Be Gay

Oh sure, we can't get married, we can get fired for no good reason at all and there are angry pastors claiming we're all going to burn in the eternal pits of damnation (so long as they're not there, that's fine, by the way). But if you asked if we could trade being gay for being straight, we'd laugh in your face. Here are 12 ways that being a homo beats the pants off the breeder lifestyle any day of the week.

1. The Sex.
By far, the best part about being a gay dude is that sex is totally easy. I know this sort of propagates the whole 'gay men are sluts' meme, but it's the god's honest truth. Men like sex and so, stick two of us together and sex comes pretty easily. It's a fact of life that lots of gay men, meet, hook-up and become friends and when we tell this to our straight friends, they're very jealous.

If you really want to depress your straight friends, explain that your partner will never withhold sex until you do the dishes or take out the trash or what not. Never happens.

Oh – and nobody ever gets accidentally pregnant!

2. Double the wardrobe.
This is an old Seinfeld joke, but as a closet full of ex-boyfriends' clothes (we trade!) attests to, you don't just get the boy, you get his fashion, too. There's something incredibly sexy about seeing the guy you're into hopping into your jeans.

3. We're more open-minded.
Look, I'm a blond-haired, blue-eyed white boy who grew up in middle-class suburbia. I'd like to think that I would be a tolerant, open-minded person regardless of my sexuality, but being gay has done a lot to make me a better human being. There's a world of difference between sympathy and empathy and knowing what it's like to be treated differently simply because of who you are. It opens your mind to the casual racism and classism in this country.

4. We can ask for directions.
Lost your way? No reason to demand you know the right way to go, just pull over and ask a gas station attendant. Can someone explain to me why straight guys can't do this?

5. We do not presume every straight person wants to sleep with us.
Without fail, at some point in the friendship of every straight pal I've ever had, they've alluded to the fact that I must secretly want to bang them. I used to explain to most of them that they aren't my type, but after one-too-many bruised egos, I've learned to keep quiet and just smile.

6. All these awesome people.
Sexuality crosses so many boundaries that when you're gay, you're bound to meet people who are not like you. In seeking out people who are like you, you inevitably meet people who are not like you at all. One of my first friends at college was this gay guy named Don. We bonded over a love of Kenneth Branagh and the Dewey Decimal System, and when I dumped my first college boyfriend, Don was worried I was doing it to be with him and divulged to me that he was a female-to-male transsexual. At 19, this blew my mind and I had all sorts of questions: "Why would you go from being a straight woman to being a gay guy?" ("All the good ones are gay"), "But, it'd be so much easier!" ("Yeah, but I've always seen myself as a boy—sexuality is independent of gender") and while we didn't find love, we became best friends. I don't know that's something that would have happened if I were straight.

7. The Toaster Oven.
As you all know from your own coming out experience, one of the great gay thing about being gay is all the toaster ovens you get when your recruit new gays to the cause. The only down shot of this is that, at this point, I'm eating toast morning, noon and night.

8. We're not threatened by strong-willed women.
In fact, we love them and idolize them. If you're a gal who knows what she wants and is willing to claw and fight to make it in a man's world, gay men will be there cheering you all the way. The straight boys will cower in fear and call you a bitch. Bitch? Honey, you have no idea.

9. It's easier to be yourself.
We don't envy our straight male buddies. There's a lot of discussion about female gender roles being constricting, but most guys don't even talk about it; it's just "drink beer, watch football, dress slobby." One of the great things about the gay rights movement is that it's making it easier for straight guys to be themselves and express non-standard interests. For gay guys, it's just expected. Want to unrepentantly sing musical theater songs in the shower? Go for it. For instance, I'm a nerdy bookworm. I talk about the NYTimes Books Review section with my friends. I drag friends to art gallery openings—and until this moment, I never really thought twice about what people might say about it.

10. It is much easier to get cast in a reality TV show.
Oh, so you juggle, are related to the British crown and live on the back of your motorcycle? Awesome. We're gay and have snappy catchphrases. Do you really want to compete?

11. We have friends everywhere.
Go to any major city and ask where the gay district and you'll have an instant network. Gays are all about creating their own families and, for the most part, we take kindly to strangers. In fact, a lot of the time, we don't even have to try. How many times has someone come up to you and said, "Hey, you have to meet my friend, Kenny! He's gay too!" which can get really old, but how many straight guys have a cavalcade of girls trying to set them up? Exactly.

12. To the kids, we are the coolest members of our family.
Everyone loves the guncle. You bring the coolest toys, you listen to what the kids say and when they come over, they get treated like royalty. While some of the adults in your family may judge you, to the kids, you are God—God with a frozen hot chocolate.

13. We are inherently fun.
It's right there in the name: "Gay." There's an expectation that gay folks are good times, and while we get depressed like the rest of the world, for the most part, we're happy to oblige. If you want to do something, it takes on an instant cool cachet, simply because you're a big 'mo who must know what he's doing. It doesn't matter if it's stock car racing or ballet, you come with an instant stamp of cultural authority that you can use to your endless amusement.

Source: Queerty

Four Years of Toothy Tile

Austin Nichols and Jake Gyllenhaal
March 5, 2009

March 10, 2005

Jolie's lesbian boasts
Sultry screen siren Angelina Jolie has boasted she is an expert at lesbian sex - because she's a woman. The Tomb Raider actress, 29, has admitted to relationships with females in the past, as well as her high-profile marriages to Jonny Lee Miller and Billy Bob Thornton. She enthuses: "I absolutely love women and find them incredibly sexy. I have loved women in the past and slept with them too. I think if you love and want to pleasure a woman, particularly if you are a woman yourself, then certainly you know how to do things in a certain way."


Stallone Launches his Own Brand Pudding
Actor Sylvester Stallone has shown his awareness to make better American diets, whom he suggested to snack the sugar-free chocolate mousse in a can. As a solution of the many unhealthy foods sold in the market and to help people to find like so-called wholesome food that doesn't need much time to prepare, he promotes his own brand of high protein dessert.


Simpson and Lachey Recording New Albums
After taking time out to make movies and star in the reality TV show, newlyweds Jessica Simpson and Nick Lachey are back to music. They are both recording new albums that will soon be released.


Elton teams up with Beckhams to buy house
Elton John is teaming up with the Beckhams to buy a home in South Africa. The trio want to buy a holiday home they can share. Elton is godfather to Brooklyn Beckham so the whole family is very close to the legendary singer.


Robbie Williams gutted at Michael retirement
Robbie Williams is devastated George Michael is quitting the music industry because he was planning to record a duet with the ex-Wham! Star. Williams approached Michael about the collaboration when they were filming their cameo appearances for a charity episode of television comedy Little Britain. But Michael has since announced his decision to step away from the limelight to compose songs for other artists. Williams moaned: "I'm gutted. I wanted to duet with him on my album."


One Adorable Blind Vice
Okay, sugar-muffins, the only reason this one's in the Vice section is because until quite recently, Toothy Tile was dating his superpopular, superannoyingly perfect girlfriend. Not boyfriend. Which, if you ask this old gossip whore, is the classification Tile would prefer his significant others be filed under in the very near future. read more

More photos: IHJ